“Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't...”

Pete Jeremy Applegate

[praying next to Heather Chandler's coffin]

Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

More from Heathers

Veronica's Mom When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings. Father Ripper We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book. Ram Jesus, God in heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Geez, people are so serious. Holy Mary pray for our sinners, so we don't get caught. Geez, another joke man.