Happy Gilmore quotes

53 total quotes

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin

View Quote During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

View Quote Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

View Quote Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?

View Quote Virginia: [stopping Happy from fighting Shooter] Hey, hey, hey, hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

View Quote Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

View Quote Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
[Happy pours fast food over the woman's head]
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

View Quote [to Virginia] You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

View Quote Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.

View Quote [to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

View Quote Bob Barker: Alright, Happy. Nice and easy... That was not nice and easy.

View Quote Announcer: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

View Quote Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead.

View Quote Mr. Larson: [after Shooter takes the gold jacket] Hey, I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! [In slow motion] Raaahrrr! I will get you Shooter! [Amidst beatings] Stay still!

View Quote Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.

View Quote Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!