Chuckie So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there'd be equations and shit on the wall.
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Good Will Hunting (1997): in 10 of its 62 quotes
Most scenes with: Morgan (6), Will Hunting (4), Billy (2)
Scenes with Chuckie
10 scenes Chuckie Chuckie I didn't get on Cathy last night.
No?
Chuckie Nah.
Why not?
Chuckie I don't know. [yells across room] Cathy!
Cathy
What?
Chuckie Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at me?
Cathy
Oh, **** you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug yourself.
Tootsie Roll! Toot, toots!
Chuckie She's missing a tooth, Will. She's got skin problems. Plus, it's like five to two Morgan ends up marryin' her, you know what I mean? There's only so many times you can bang your friend's future wife.
Chuckie Morgan, we're not goin' to Kelly's just cus' you like the takeout girl. It's 15 minutes out of our way.
What the **** are we gonna do, we can't spare 15 minutes?
Chuckie Would you shut the **** up? I know what you ordered, I was there.
So give me my ****in' sandwich.
Chuckie What do you mean your sandwich? I bought it. Hey Morgan how much money you got on you?
I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.
Chuckie Well why don't you give me your **** sixteen cents you got on you and we'll put your sandwich on layaway, [puts the burger on the dashboard] there you go, keep it right up here for you. We'll put you on a program. Every day you come in with your six cents, and at the end of the week you'll have your sandwich
Don't be an asshole.
Chuckie What am I? Your ****in' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch. Payment plans. Remember? Your mother brought in ten dollars every day for a year..she finally got a couch Rent-a-Center style.
Can I have my food now please?
Chuckie [throws the burger at Morgan]
Here's your **** double burger!
Boy, I always thought how stupid you need to be to get fired from that job. I mean, how hard is it to push a mother-****in' broom aroundaroom.
Chuckie Bitch, you got fired from pushing a ****in' broom.
I got fired because management was restructuring.
Yeah, restructuring the amount of **** they had workin' for 'em.
Shut up. You get canned more than tuna, bitch.
Chuckie So, you ladies ah, go to school here?
Lydia
Yes.
Chuckie Yeah, cause I think I had a class with you.
What class?
Chuckie Ah, history I think.
Oh...
Chuckie Yah, just cause I go here doesn't mean I'm a genuis...I am actually very smart...
...
Clark
What class did you say that was?
Chuckie History.
Clark
History? Just history? It must have been a survey course then, huh?
Chuckie Yeah, it was, it was surveys.
Clark
Right.
Chukie
You should check it out, it's a good course. It's a, uh...good..good class.
Clark
How'd you like that course?
Chuckie You know...Frankly, I found the class, you know, rather...uh...elementary.
Clark
Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt that it was...I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch.
...
Chuckie All right, are we gonna have a problem?
Clark
There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities, especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian pre-capitalist and...
[interrupting]
Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just got finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, you're gonna be convinced of that until next month when you get to James Lemon, then you're gonna be talkin' about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year, you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about you know, the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.
Clark
[taken aback]
Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of--
..."Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth..." You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 98, right? Yeah I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us- you have any thoughts of- of your own on this matter? Or do- is that your thing, you come into a bar, you read some obscure passage and then you pretend- you pawn it off as your own- your own idea just to impress some girls? Embarrass my friend?
[Clark is stunned]
See the sad thing about a guy like you, is in about 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One, don't do that. And two, you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a ****in' education you coulda' got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.
Clark
Yeah, but I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.
Chuckie [Will calls Skylar, but hangs up]
Who'd you call?
No one. I forgot the number.
You're **** ****. You went all the way out there in the rain and you didn't bring the number?
No, it was your mother's 900 number, I just ran outta' quarters.
Why don't we get off of mothers I just got off of yours.
Executive 1
Well, Will, I'm not exactly sure what you mean, we've already offered you a position..
Chuckie Since this is obviously not my first time in such altercations, let me say this: [rubs thumb and fingers together, signifying cash] Look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Chuckie [The executives are silent]
At the current time I am looking at a number of different fields from which to disseminate which offer is most pursuant to my benefit. What do you want? What do I want? What does anybody want? Leniency.
Executive 1
I'm not sure--
Chuckie --These circumstances are mitigated. Right now. They're mitigated. [throws his hands up]
Executive 1
Okay...
Chuckie [pointing to one of the executives]
He knows what I'm talking about. A retainer. Nobody in this town works without a retainer. You think you can find someone who does, you have my blessin'. But I think we all know that person isn't going to represent you as well as I can.
Executive 1
Will, our offer starts you at eighty- four thousand a year, plus benefits.
Chuckie Retainer...
Executive
You want us to give you cash right now?
Chuckie Allegedly, what I am saying is your situation will be concurrently improved if I had two hundred bucks in my pocket right now.
Executive 1
[The executives exchange looks and go for their wallets.]
I don't think I...Larry?
Executive 2
I have about seventy-three...
Executive 1
Will you take a check?
Chuckie Come now...what do you think I am, a juvenile? You don't got any money on you right now. You think I'm gonna take a check?
Executive 3
It's fine, John, I can cover the rest.
Chuckie That's right, you know. He knows.
Chuckie [Chuckie stands up and takes the money.] [to Executive 1]
You're suspect. Yeah, you. I don't know what your reputation is in this town, but after the shit you tried to pull today, you can bet I'll be looking into you. Now the business we have here to for you can speak with my aforementioned attorney. Good day gentlemen and until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.
Chuckie Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that?
Chuckie [Man moans upstairs]
Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna give you a **** beating!
Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own **** house. Man, that's **** filthy.
Well there's a VCR in my house.
Chuckie Aw, c'mon, not on my glove.
I didn't use the glove.
Chuckie That's my Little League glove.
What do you want me to do?
Chuckie I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?
I wasn't... I didn't... I was just usin' it for the.. for clean-up.
Chuckie Stop jerking off in my mother's room, please!
Is there another VCR in the house?
Chuckie It's just sad bro.
Chuckie Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll ****in' kill you. That's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll ****in' kill you.
What the **** are you talkin' about?
Chuckie Look, you got somethin' that none of us-
Oh, come on! Why is it always this, I mean, I ****in' owe it to myself to do this or that? What if I don't want to?
Chuckie No. No, no, no. No, **** you. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me. 'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty. And I'll still be doing this shit. And that's all right, that's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit. `Cause I'd do anything to ****in' have what you got. So would any of these ****in' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. Hanging around here is a ****in' waste of your time.
You don't know that.
Chuckie I don't?
No. You don't know that.
Chuckie Oh, I don't know that. Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up. And we go out we have a few drinks and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? It's for about ten seconds from when I pull up to the curb to when I get to your door. Because I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye, no see you later, no nothin'. Just left. I don't know much, but I know that.
