Good Boys 2019 quotes

I know what cocaine is.

Thor

Annabelle, get out of here. Bean Bag Boys only.

I heard at the skate park the older kids will make you take drugs.

Max

We'll never do drugs. They destroy lives and communities.

You have no choice.

Thor

Mom!
Thor's Mom: Annabelle, don't antagonize your brother. Come on, go upstairs. Now... [Annabelle gives her brother the middle finger before going upstairs] Hey. All right, Bean Bag Boys, finish up. It's a school night. Lights out, 8:30.

Thor

What? You said 8:45.
Thor's Mom: Hey. Finish up.

Lucas

I don't think I want to go to the skate park.

Max

We're in sixth grade now. We need to start doing sixth grade things.

Thor

Ooh, you want to see Brixlee, don't you?

Sippy Cup, sing us a song.

Thor

No.

How about "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bitch?"

Lucas

Shit. We have D-R-U-G-S on us.

Max

He knows how to spell. Just act normal. Pretend to talk.

Lucas

About what?

Max

Just be normal.

Lucas

What do you think about politics?

Max

It's a complicated issue.

Lucas

This cop's acting weird.

Max

He's eye-**** us. Just act normal. Just laugh. We're just two cool guys laughing.

Lucas

We skipped school.

Max

Lucas!

Lucas

Stop. What are you doing?

Max

Kissing her.

Lucas

You can't kiss someone without their permission. Remember, from assembly?

Thor

Pretend it's Brixlee. Try to be a gentleman.

Max

Okay.

Max

Guys, it's my dad. [answers the phone] Hey, Dad.

Hey, buddy. I got on the early flight, so I'll be home in 15 minutes.

Max

15 minutes from now or 15 minutes from later?

Ha ha, funny guy. I'll see you soon.

Max

My dad will be home in 15 minutes.

Thor

Maybe he won't notice the drone's gone.

Max

He'll notice. He's very observant. That's why my mom fell in love with him.

Lucas

The drone has to be home before your dad.

Max

I know.

Lucas

Just the drone. Not you. Just the drone.

Max

My dad says I'm grounded. Now I'm never gonna be able to kiss Brixlee.

Lucas

It's okay, Max. There'll be other parties.

Max

Lucas, you don't get it.

Thor

He's right, Lucas. This party could change our lives, and you don't even care. It's not cool at all.

Max

Yeah, you know what's not cool?

Thor

What the **** does that mean?

Max

Go sip a beer, Sippy Cup.

Thor

I love beer, so yes, I will. And you may think you're so mature, but the truth is you don't have pubes, and I have six.

Max

You say you have pubes, but you also say you drink beer, and I know you don't.

Lucas

Stop arguing!

Max

Just admit you skipped the audition because you thought it wasn't cool even though your voice is a **** gift. And you always talk a big game, and you never back it up. Like on the freeway.

Thor

Oh, sorry. I didn't want to cross 12 lanes of traffic so you can kiss some skank.

Lucas

Oh, shit.

Max

She's not a skank, she's the love of my life! You take that back!

Lucas

Hey, no karate! Stop fighting! [stops the fighting and starts breaking down on the verge of tears; to Thor] You should never call a woman a skank! You should never call a woman anything! [turns to Max] And you… You made us ditch school, run around with drugs, and lock a cop in a convenience store with what I now suspect is a dildo! [notices an old white-bearded man laughing at them nearby] WHAT THE **** ARE YOU LOOKING AT, GANDALF?! [the old man leaves]

Max

You guys don't understand shit. I have hormones flowing through my body making me do crazy things! Do you even know what it feels like to want to rub up against a tree all the time?

Thor

You think you're better than us.

Max

Not better, just more mature. I'm into romance and grown-up shit, and you guys are still into little kid stuff. I don't even know why we're still friends.

Everything you like is now canceled. Birthdays are canceled. Holidays are canceled. Summer's canceled.

Winter is coming.

Max

I'm sorry, Daddy.

No, no, no. You are no longer allowed to call me Daddy. Call me Andrew or Mr. Newman or Warden. Underneath that cherubic face, the devil lives inside you. I will always love you because you are my son, but I no longer like you.
[Thor's house… Thor is playing his keyboard when his mother enters his room after getting a call from Mrs. Newman] Thor's Mom: Thorny. I just got off the phone with Max's mom. Did you know he skipped school and biked to the mall by himself?

Thor

He said that?
Thor's Mom: He did. Promise me you'll never do something as stupid as that, okay?

Thor

I promise. [as his mother leaves his room, he looks away, realizing that Max prevented him and Lucas from getting into trouble]

Lucas

And then we ran across the highway, my arm got ripped out, and a fake woman shot out of a car. But we still got the drugs. Then we traded the drone for it, and Max destroyed his house with it. But it was only because he wanted to marry Brixlee, and now he can't because he's grounded for life. And we got into a huge fight, and the Bean Bag Boys are broken up, and… Am I in trouble?

Max

God, I'm so ****. My dad's gonna kill me.

Lucas

You had to snoop on them. You're such a feminist.

Max

I'm not a feminist. I love women. And my parents are definitely gonna call your guys' parents. We're all gonna get grounded. Forget Soren's party. We're ****. [notices Thor smiling] Why are you smiling? This is actually your fault.

Thor

This is leverage. [back at Max's house, he dumps out the stuff onto the coffee table; chuckles as he holds up a tampon] Oh. Bingo!

Lucas

What is it?

Thor

I have no idea.

Max

That's a tampon.

Lucas

What's it for?

Max

Girls shove it up their buttholes to stop babies from coming out. An eighth grader told me that.

Lucas

The human body is truly a mystery. [looks at a bottle of chewable vitamins] Can't believe they still eat these chewables. The gummies are so much better.

Thor

I like the chewables. I want one.

Max

I have something in here that might change your mind. [digs through his backpack]

Hurry up.

Max

Bitch! Now who's the baby?!

Lucas

Holy shit.

Thor

What the ****?

Max

If I don't get those drugs, I'm gonna be grounded, and then I'll never get to kiss Brixlee!

Thor

Max, what the **** are you doing?

Max

You sell drugs. We came here to buy them. So now you're gonna sell us the drugs. DO NOT TEST ME!

Okay. You want the drugs? I'm not your parent. Here. [gives Max the drugs]

Max

Thanks. [a sound of an air horn blows and he accidentally fires a paintball at Benji, hitting him in the forehead, and knocking him out] Oh, shit.

Thor

It's the girls.

Max

Hello?

You took my bag. It has my license, my phone. Bring it back right now.

Max

**** that noise. I want my drone back.

I got this. I got this. I got this. [speaking in a growling tone] What did you just say, you little bitch? I'll take a shit down your throat.

Why are you talking like that?

Hannah, I have a little brother. You're supposed to scare them.

Well, you scared me. [turns the speaker back on] Listen, we-we were just trying to teach you a lesson. I promise you, we're gonna give the drone back.

Lucas

No way. They could trick us again. Or overpower us.

Thor

I thought you were still grounded.

Max

It ended yesterday. A month in the whole.

Thor

Thanks again for taking the fall.

Max

You would've done the same.

Lucas

Well, well, well. Look who's here. Me.

Max & Thor

Hey!

Max

Feels like we haven't talked in weeks.

Thor? What are you doing in Mom and Dad's room?

Thor

Get the hell out of here, Annabelle!

That swing is for sexing. People do sex on it.

Oh...!

Max

You scared the shit out of me.

Lucas

I didn't want your parents to see my face. [takes off the mask]

Max

Why are you even here?

Lucas

I've grown a lot in the last two hours. My parents' divorce has really changed me. If the Bean Bag Boys don't grow together, they'll grow apart.

Max

I don't want that. I don't want to get a divorce from you.

Lucas

Then you need to go to Soren's party. You need to sneak out.

Max

I can't. I'm grounded. Besides, Brixlee's necklace is still in the kiln.

Lucas

Let me worry about the necklace. And what are your parents gonna do? Double-ground you? Is Brixlee your forever or not? Then you need to come with me now.

Max

Fine, I'll go, but I'm not apologizing to Thor.

Lucas

He's not coming.

Max

Good. **** that bitch. I'll go get my jacket.

Lucas

Hey, Max.

Max

Yeah?

Lucas

Bring that dick.

Max

You said Thor wasn't coming.

Thor

What the hell is he doing here?

Lucas

I parent-trapped your asses. See, now we're all in a bigger hermit crab shell together. It made sense when my parents said it.

Thor

So, you took the blame for us, huh?

Max

Yeah, I thought about what you would do, and did the opposite.

Thor

This party, it's gonna be an epic rager.

Max

Okay, Sippy Cup.

Thor

Just stay out of my way, Maxi Pad.

Lucas

SCAB just tagged us on Instagram.

Thor

First Sippy Cup, and now this? I'm two weeks in the sixth grade, I'm already a social piranha.

Max

Guys, my dad gets back at 5:00. If we don't get a new drone by then, I'm grounded, which means we're all grounded, which means no party, which means no Brixlee.

Thor

Sippy Cup for life.

Lucas

No Brixlee, no friends, no hope, parents fighting, trapped in our rooms, all alone, two Taco Tuesdays.

Thor

So, Max, what are we gonna do?

Max

We're gonna ditch school and get a new drone.

Lucas

Stop thinking with your big old dick, Max. That could go on our permanent record.

Thor

Max's big old dick is pointing us in the right direction.

Max

Thank you. If anyone else kisses Brixlee, I'll die.

Thor

Wait, what? Here's the plan. I'm gonna bring a beer to Soren's, and I'm gonna sip that beer so everyone will know…

Lucas

That you're an alcoholic.

Thor

That would be great.

Max

Guys. The only place around here that has one is at North Point Galleria. That's four miles away.

Thor

Four miles? How the **** are we getting four miles?

Max

You have Uber.

Thor

No, it goes directly to my mom's phone. She'll know.

Max

Then we bike.

Lucas

Where are you even gonna get the money for a new drone? [confused] What?

Max

You know.

Lucas

Our Turzan of Uzkara card? No way! [leaves the bathroom stall]

Max

You said everyone wants to buy it.

Lucas

We got it together.

Thor

And we're gonna sell it together as friends.

Max

Come on, Lucas. Bean Bag Boys do everything together.

Lucas

Okay. Guess that makes sense.

Hey. Can I help you?

Max

Uh, I hope so, madam. We were using our drone to follow a family of turtles, and we thought it might have crashed into your backyard.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's here. Come on in. [the boys enter the house and she closes the door and locks it] So, you guys like turtles?

Max

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Time's up, mother****ers.

Thor

Shit! It's a trap!

You think I give a **** about turtles?

Lucas

We're sorry. We just wanted to learn how to kiss.

Max

Lucas, it's none of their business.

Lucas

We should have just told the truth. We're going to a kissing party, and none of us have ever kissed, and we're scared.

Max Newman

Bitch! Now who's the baby?! If I don't get those drugs, I'm gonna be grounded, and then I'll never get to kiss Brixlee! You sell drugs. We came here to buy them. So now you're gonna sell us the drugs. DO NOT TEST ME!