But in the Kalahari, it's always Tuesday, or Thursday if you like. Or Sunday. No clocks or calendars tell you to do this or that.
The Narrator
Paddy O'Byrne · 21 quotes
Andrew Steyn
Marius Weyers · 9 quotes
Kate Thompson
Sandra Prinsloo · 7 quotes
Mpudi
Michael Thys · 6 quotes
Sam Boga
Louw Verwey · 5 quotes
Frank
2 quotes
The Policeman
1 quote
The President
Ken Gampu · 1 quote
Most scenes together: Andrew Steyn & Kate Thompson (2), Andrew Steyn & Mpudi (2)
The Gods Must Be Crazy quotes
Page 1 of 4In this world of theirs, nothing is bad or evil. Even a poisonous snake is not bad. You just have to keep away from the sharp end. Actually, a snake is very good. In fact, it's delicious. And the skin makes a fine pouch.
It looks like a paradise, but it is in fact the most treacherous desert in the world, the Kalahari. After the short rainy season there are many water holes, and even rivers. But after a few weeks, the water sinks away into the deep Kalahari sand. The water holes dry, and the rivers stop flowing. The grass fades to a beautiful blond colour that offers excellent grazing for te animals. But for the next nine months, there will be no water to drink. So most of the animals move away, leaving the beautiful blond grass uneaten.
Miss Thompson, if you make a fire, and a rhinoceros sees it he comes and stamps it out. Rhinos do that. It's a most interesting phenomenon.
One day, something fell from the sky. Xi had never seen anything like this in his life. It looked like water, but it was harder than anything else in the world. He wondered why the gods had sent this thing down to the earth. It was the strangest and most beautiful thing they had ever seen. They wondered why the gods had sent it to them. Pabo got his finger stuck in the thing and the children thought he was very funny. Xi tried the thing out to cure thongs. It had the right shape and weight. It was also beautifully smooth and ideal for curing snakeskin. And Pabo discovered you could make music on it. And every day they discovered a new use for the thing. It was harder and heavier and smoother than anything they'd ever known. It was the most useful thing the gods had ever given them. A real labour-saving device. But the gods had been careless. They had sent only one. Now, for the first time, here was a thing that could not be shared because there was only one of it. Suddenly, everybody needed it most of the time. A thing they had never needed before became a necessity. And unfamiliar emotions began to stir. A feeling of wanting to own, of not wanting to share. Other new things came. Anger, jealousy, hate and violence.
That morning, Xi saw the ugliest person he'd ever come across. She was as pale as something that had crawled out of a rotting log. Her hair was quite gruesome long and stringy and white, as if she was very old. She was very big. You'd have to dig the whole day to find enough food to feed her. Although it was a hot day, she was covering her body with skins that looked as if they were made from cobwebs. She was doing strange and magical things, and it struck him that she must be one of the gods, and he wondered what she was doing on Earth. But he was glad he met her. He'd give her the evil thing and go home to his family. He said tactfully that he didn't need the thing, and she could have it back. But she was very rude, and she walked away.
The rhino is the self-appointed fire-prevention officer. When he sees a fire, he rushes in and stamps it out.
They're very gentle people. They'll never punish a child or even speak harshly to it. So, of course the kids are extremely well-behaved. And their games are cute and inventive.
Do you work here in Botswana?
Mr. Steyn
Yes, I... yes.
And what do you do?
Mr. Steyn
Eh, I collect manure. Er, I...
Still got that story about the teacher shortage in Botswana?
Pete
Yeah. You gonna use it?
No. Maybe they can use me.
And why are you so beautiful?
Mr. Steyn
I'm going to the school to give her these.
You gonna look like that?
Mr. Steyn
Like what?
Like it's a funeral. You've gotta smile and tell her she looks good.
Mr. Steyn
How are you an expert on women?
I got seven wives. How many you got?
Mr. Steyn
Why aren't you at home with them?
I know how to marry them. Nobody knows how to live with them.
Mr. Steyn
So, what did you marry them for?
Someday I have to tell you the facts of life.
You gonna look like that forever?
Mr. Steyn
Like what?
Like Jack Hind is better than you.
Mr. Steyn
No, I'm going to talk to her.
Tell her you were the big hero.
Mr. Steyn
No, I can't do that. But I do want to talk to her. I'll tell her. I'll say, "Look, Miss Thompson. I know you think I'm an idiot but normally I'm quite normal. It's only when I'm in the presence of a lady that I... It's really just an interesting psychological phenomenon. If a man who is susceptible to a type of para-Freudian syndrome like this encounters a nubile female, what happens?"
I suppose another big word happens.
Mr. Steyn
Too erudite?
Yeah, whatever that means.
Mr. Steyn
Okay. I'll put it more simply. I'll say: "Look, Miss Thompson. Kate. Kate. It's really only an interesting psychological phenomenon." She'll understand that bit. She's a schoolteacher. Ill say, "When there's no lady present. I can catch an insect without hurting it." If she knew me better, she'd see I'm not a stumblebum. I need is a little practise. If I--
Wait for me. You need moral support.
Mr. Steyn
Morning, Miss Thompson.
Morning.
Mr. Steyn
How are you?
Fine, thanks. How are you?
Mr. Steyn
Fine, thanks, and how are you?
I'm fine, thank you.
Mr. Steyn
Kate. I know you think I'm an idiot but I'm not really like that. It's only when I'm around wom...Around you. I'm sorry. Normally, I'm quite normal. But whenever I'm in the presence of a lady my fingers turn into thumbs, my brain switches off.
Watch it!
Mr. Steyn
It's flour.
I noticed.
Mr. Steyn
It's actually, Actually, it's really only an interesting psychological phenomenon. Perhaps it's some Freudian syndrome. When I brought you your shoes, I came to apologise for the stupid things I did when I met you at Mabula. To explain that I'm not as stupid as that. But then, of course, I blew it, and I, So I don't blame you if you think But it's really only an interesting psychological. When you get to know me better, you'll see that I'm not always stumbling. It's really just an interesting psychological phenomenon.
Yes, you are a very interesting psychological phenomenon. And I think you're very sweet.
Woman (at the Restaurant)
Does the noise in my head bother you?
No.
And why are you so beautiful?