Jeff Spicoli [to Mr. Hand]
You dick!
Most-quoted character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982): in 19 of its 51 quotes
Most scenes with: Brad Hamilton (3), Mr. Hand (3)
So what Jefferson was saying was "Hey! You know, we left this England place because it was bogus. So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too." Yeah?
More lines from Jeff Spicoli
7 quotes Jeff Spicoli Jeff Spicoli This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there.
Jeff Spicoli [driving and really stoned]
People on 'ludes should not drive.
Jeff Spicoli [talking on the phone, hits his head with a shoe]
That was my skull! I'm so wasted!
Jeff Spicoli Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Jeff Spicoli Mr Hand, do you have a guy like me in all your classes? You know, a guy you make an example of?
Jeff Spicoli Like I told the guy on ABC, danger is my business!
Scenes with Jeff Spicoli
11 scenes
Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.
Spicoli Well, something must have happened to them.
Spicoli
No shirt, no shoes...
Jeff and Stoner Buds
No dice! Ohhhh.
Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.
Spicoli
He's the full hot orator.
Why don't you get a job Spicoli?
Spicoli What for?
You need money.
Spicoli All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
[Jeff Spicoli has just been delivered a pizza during Mr. Hand's class]
Am I hallucinating here, just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Spicoli Learning about Cuba, having some food.
Spicoli Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here! Hola, Mr. Hand.
What's the reason for your truancy?
Spicoli Just couldn't make it on time.
You mean you couldn't or wouldn't?
Spicoli See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.
Food will be eaten on your time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why must you shamelessly waste my time like this?
Spicoli [thinks it over]
I don't know.
[writes I DON'T KNOW on the chalkboard]
I like that. Hmm Hmm. "I don't know," that's nice. 'Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?' 'Gee Mr. Spicoli, I don't know.' That's nice, I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to leave your words on my board for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.
Spicoli All right!
Stu Nahan
[Spicoli is dreaming that he's won a surfing competition]
Hello everybody! I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man. His name, Jeff Spicoli. And Jeff, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.
Spicoli Well, I'll tell you Stu, I did battle some humongous waves! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"
Stu Nahan
You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.
Spicoli [laughs incredulously]
Those guys are ****!
Stu Nahan
[oblivious]
That's fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Spicoli Well Stu I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!" [focuses on Stu's sport coat] Where'd you get this jacket?
Stu Nahan
I got this from the network. Let me ask you a question. What's next for Jeff Spicoli?
Spicoli Heading over to the Australian and Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones! [to the two girls next to him] And you guys are invited too!
Curtis Spicoli
Dad says you have to get up
Spicoli LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli
Dad says you're gonna be late again you butthole!
Spicoli LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli
Dad says you're gonna be late again you booger!
Mr. Vargas [entering the morgue]
Hey, you in my class?
Spicoli I am today.
Mr. Vargas They sold their bodies to medicine for money. About $30, I think.
Dr. Miller Twenty-five.
Spicoli Righteous bucks!
Jefferson's Brother
[after Spicoli wrecks Jefferson's car]
My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill us!
Spicoli
Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes!
Jefferson's Brother
My brother's gonna shit!
Spicoli
Make up your mind, dude, is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?
Jefferson's Brother
First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!
Spicoli
Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.
[Spicoli has had a pizza delivered to class]
Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Spicoli Learning about Cuba and having some food.
Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance on my time.
Spicoli I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? Certainly, there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.
[takes away box of pizza from Spicoli]
You're absolutely right, Mr. Spicoli. It is our time. Yours, mine and everyone else's in this room. But it is my class.
[calls up a couple of students]
Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack. Be my guest. Help yourselves. Get a good one.
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