[Ernest and the crew he's with are being forced to go into a jail cell, and Ernest is mistaking the prison he's in for his jury "accommodations"]
We're sequestered. And on top of that we can't even leave! Oh, this is great. This is just great.
[The prison guard comes up from behind him and hits him]
I hope you've got a good story to tell my boss! After all, I do have a living to earn.
PG Prison guard [Crossly]
Now look, Nash...
My name is Worrel. Ernest P. Worrel.
PG Prison guard
Oh, Mister Funny-Man, huh? Yeah, Mister Funny-Man. You'll think funny when you're tapping to the tune of 2-20, son!
[Throws him into his cell]
Ernest P. Worrell [Remarking to his cell-mates]: That is the rudest bailiff I have ever seen in my life.
[Note: One person mentioned isn't a separate character; instead, it's a role played by a character. "Auntie Nelda" refers to Ernest dressed up as an elderly woman to try and fool the gate guard.]
PG Prison guard
Yeah, so?
He's not on the jury duty, because this man is a prisoner!
PG Prison guard (Thinking Ernest is Nash)
Ugh! I oughta throw in the hole for that Nash!
PG Prison guard
Yeah! The hole!
The hole like, like in "Solitare the Hole" Like, in a real prison? Like in real, really, really, really, really real prison? The hoose-gow, the slammer, the joint, Alcatraz, San Quentin, Sing Sing, Oh no. I'm in... I'm in... jaaaaaaaaaa-jail-jail-jail!
PG Prison guard
(laughs sternly)
[Note: The three ["jail"]'s following his yelling refers to echoes that are heard after the camera has panned far out.]
So, it's come to this. A pointless, miserable end to a shallow, meaningless life. But it's as it should be. It's the hand I've been dealt, and I have to play it as it lays. Oh, I'm not going to cry because life's thrown me a curve. I'm not going to whine because I got mashed potatoes when French fries is what I really wanted. It's time for me to step up to the plate, belly up to the bar! It's time for me to look fate square in the eye, flare my nostrils, breathe life's last breath! It's time for me to lie down with lions so I can soar with the eagles! All right! I'm ready! Come and get me! Let's do it!
PG Prison guard
Come on Nash, it's time!
Oh, oh. I don't wanna die!
[Ernest and the crew he's with are being forced to go into a jail cell, and Ernest is mistaking the prison he's in for his jury "accommodations"]
We're sequestered. And on top of that we can't even leave! Oh, this is great. This is just great.
[The prison guard comes up from behind him and grabs him by his collar]
I hope you've got a good story to tell my boss! After all, I do have a living to earn.
PG Prison guard
[crossly]
Now look, Nash...
My name is Worrell. Ernest P. Worrell.
PG Prison guard
Oh, Mr. Funny-Man, huh? Yeah, Mr. Funny-Man. You'll think funny when you're tapping to the tune of 2-20, son!
[Throws him into his cell] [Remarking to his cell-mates]
That is the rudest bailiff I have ever seen in my life. [Lyle throws Ernest against the bars of the cell] Wait a minute. [bangs his head against the bars and recognizes Lyle] You're that guy! [yells to the guard] Bailiff! Bailiff! [to Lyle] You're in big trouble now, pal. Bailiff!
PG Prison guard
[approaches Ernest's cell]
What is it, Nash?
PG Prison guard
Yeah, so?
No, I mean look... look at him. [bangs the guard's head against the bars] Come closer. Look. You see that guy? He's not on the jury. This man is a prisoner!
PG Prison guard
Ugh! I oughta throw you in the hole for that, Nash!
PG Prison guard
Yeah, the hole! [walks off]
[shocked]
The hole like... like in solitary, the hole? Like, in real prison? Like in real, really, really, really, really real prison? The hoose-gow, the slammer, the joint, Alcatraz, San Quentin, Sing Sing... [horrified] Oh no! I'm in... I'm in... [echos] JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!
PG Prison guard
(laughs sternly)
Nash, take it like a man.
But I'm not Nash, I'm Ernest. And what is an Ernest you may ask? A man with a past both rich in history and tradition. Should we punish this man for crimes he did not commit? No, no, no, no, no.
Can't you speed things up?
PG Prison guard
Okay, okay!
Such a man should be set free. [Ernest sits on the electric chair and gets electrocuted]
(all the people become shocked when Ernest was a magnet)
Hit the alarm! Run for it!
(alarm sounds)
