Would an enema help?
Count Dracula
Leslie Nielsen · 14 quotes
Renfield
Peter MacNicol · 10 quotes
Dr. Seward
7 quotes
Jonathan Harker
Steven Weber · 6 quotes
Van Helsing
Mel Brooks · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Dr. Seward & Van Helsing (3), Jonathan Harker & Van Helsing (3), Renfield & Dr. Seward (2)
Dracula: Dead and Loving It quotes
Page 1 of 3[watching Mina's reflection in a mirror as she's dancing with Dracula, where it looks like she's dancing alone]
She's doing quite well without him, isn't she?
Nurse
[Upon seeing the unconscious medical students on the floor]
Well done, doctor! Ten out of ten!
'[Jonathan is drenched in blood, while Van Helsing is spotless]
I have been to many, many stakings. You have to know where to stand.
Allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as a man of theology and philosophy.
And gynecology.
Oh, I didn't know you have your hand in that, too.
Give him an enema.
Attendant
[Attendant looks taken aback.]
An enema, sir?.
Yes, it'll give him a feeling of accomplishment.
Your master is gone forever Mr. Renfield. You are your own man now.
I am...?
Yes. No one can ever control you again.
Good. Come, Renfield!
Renfield, you were having a nightmare.
A nightmare? But it was so real, so vivid. Two voluptuous women, heaving and grinding. How to describe it? [pause] Have you ever been to Paris?
No, she's not!
She's alive?
She's Nosferatu!
She's Italian?
[having just been told to drive a stake into Lucy]
Oh, this is horrid. Is there no other way?
Well, we could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic, and tear off her ears.
...Give me the stake. No. No, I can't... you do it.
It must be done by one who loved her in life.
I only liked her!
Close enough!
[Jonathan is about to stake Lucy's heart]
One, two—WAIT! [Van Helsing slinks back behind a pillar] NOW!
[Jonathan drives a stake into Lucy's heart and is subsequently hit by many gallons of blood]
Oh... my... GOD! There's so much blood!
She just ate! Hit her again!
Oh no... I can't...
How much blood can she have left?
[Jonathan hits the stake again and is hit with even more blood than last time]
She's almost dead!
She's dead enough. Oh! This is - this is ghastly!
Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!
Oh yes, my dear. The Opera is astonishing. The music is fraught with love, hate, sensuality, and unbridled passion... all the things in my life that I've managed to suppress.
Lady at Picnic
Surely sir
Man at Picnic
Some wine sir?
I never drink... wine... oh, what the hell. Let me try it.
Lover at Picnic
Would you care for some wine?
I never drink... wine... oh, what the hell. Let me try it.
Lucy Westenra I know you've always wanted me, and I've always wanted you. Finally we can be together.
But Lucy, I'm engaged to Mina... and you're dead.
Lucy Westenra I'm not dead. I'm undead.
Yes, well, I'm not unengaged.
...
Please, Lucy! I'm British!
Lucy Westenra [Lucy opens her cleavage a little]
So are these.
Man [increasingly crazily]
Renfield, I can't take it. Can you take it? The lights, the crazy faces staring at me. I'm telling you the walls are closing in on me! I've got to get out of here!
Martin Guard! Get back to work!