****in' sucks dick about grandma, huh? Old woman ****in' murdered like that.
Jason Kelly
I think she had cancer.
We'll never know the truth.
Jason Kelly
We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years.
You don't just die from cancer, Jason.
Dick Kelly
I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want summa dat drank? Summa dat purple draaank? Summa dat purple ass mother****in' pimp dick draaank?
Who... the ****... are you?
Dick Kelly
Look... I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.
Lenore
I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check. Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up.
Dick Kelly
I've fallen and I can't get up.
Lenore
Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.
Dick Kelly
Things were better under Eisenhower.
Lenore
We like Ike!
Dick Kelly
We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike!
Lenore
Are you cumming or dying?
Dick Kelly
I'm not sure, maybe both!
Dick Kelly
We have a long-standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously, I've got the bigger three-wood.
Lenore
Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.
Jason Kelly
Holy shit.
Dick Kelly
You're like some sort of **** blocking terminator sent back from the future to **** block humans.
Jason Kelly
Ah, got ya.
Dick Kelly
The robots should've sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could've **** blocked John Conners' parents and he never would've been born.
Jason Kelly
Shut up Grandpa. Shut up.
Jason Kelly
Well, how do I look?
Dick Kelly
Like the keynote speaker at a butt-**** convention.
Jason Kelly
Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides.
Dick Kelly
You know what I'd rather do?
Jason Kelly
What?
Dick Kelly
I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a **** hot air balloon.
Lenore
For what it's worth, I still really wanna **** you.
Dick Kelly
Oh, we're gonna ****.
Lenore
Yeah, we are.
Dick Kelly
We're gonna thunder****.
Lenore
You're gonna tsunami on my face.
Dick Kelly
You're gonna flood like the Nile.
Lenore
Yeah, I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over.
Dick Kelly
The villagers will finally eat.
Lenore
You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy.
Lenore, you're such a slut!
Lenore
Hi, Professor.
Dick Kelly
Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.
Lenore
Thank you.
Dick Kelly
I was actually talking to him.
Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.
Dick Kelly
Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back.
Lenore
I like your pull-out couch.
Dick Kelly
Yeah? Well, I got news for you. That's the only thing that's going to be pulling out tonight.
Lenore
He looks like Abercrombie **** Fitch.
Dick Kelly
Jason, I want to ****. For the first time in 40 years, I'm single, and I want to ****. I want to **** until my dick falls off. I want to **** a horse, and I want to drink its blood. I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life, I'll miss her every goddamn day, but she told me on her death bed, you get back out there again. I haven't had sex in 15 years Jason, and I want to **** **** **** **** ****.
Dick Kelly
Party till you're pregnant!
Dick Kelly
The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
Lenore
You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I'm just a girl from Long Island City who likes to **** old people.