Clerks II quotes

25 total quotes

Becky
Dante Hicks
Elias
Jay
Randal Graves

View Quote Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

View Quote All right look, there's only one "Return", OK, and it ain't of the King. It's of the Jedi.

View Quote Elias: I've turned down chicks left and right!
Randal: Your chicks are your left and right.

View Quote Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me.

View Quote Randal: You're in the bestiality business, dude.
Sexy Stud: Hey, ****o! We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal: Intriguing.

View Quote What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird, ****ed-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?

View Quote You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals 'n shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... I'd be the first mother****er to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and **** it. And people'd be, like, "There he goes; homeboy ****ed the Martian once."

View Quote What's sexier than an elf princess's sword?

View Quote You're my best friend and I love you, in a totally heterosexual way. Please don't leave me.

View Quote What'd you do that for?! You realise he just thinks you're trying to get him into a three-way with us now, don't you?