Conrad
Mom, that guy's a total phoney; you can't let Larry-
Joan
It's Lawrence, Conrad. [hears the doorbell ring, opens the door and a caterer named Kate is shown holding the box]
Kate's Catering. I'm here to do your party tonight.
Joan
Oh hi. Where's Kate?
I'm Kate.
Joan
Oh. Right this way, Kate. [she and Kate walk, and has a tray full of sweets in it]
Conrad
Mom, you've gotta listen to me-- [phone rings]
Joan
QUIET!
Sally
Two weeks ago, you said you would-- [Joan screams and sees Nevins eating chocolate] I "specialed" it. see?
Joan
Quiet, Nevins. I SAID QUIET! [phone rings] Joan Walden Real Estate, be it ever so humble, there's no place like Joan.
Mr. Humberfloob
This is Mr. Humberfloob.
Joan
Oh hi, Mr. Humberfloob.
Mr. Humberfloob
Joan, I need you to come back to the office.
Joan
Today?
Mr. Humberfloob
Yes, Joan. No problem.
Joan
No problem at all.
Mr. Humberfloob
Great!
Sally
What's going on, Mommy?
Joan
Mommy has to go back to the Office. Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwan can babysit!
Conrad
Not Mrs. Kwan! [cut to the veiw of the door, It's a elder Taiwanese woman named Mrs. Kwan, the doorbell rings as Mrs. Joan opens the door]
Joan
Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
Hi.
Joan
Oh, I'm running late, thanks for babysitting such for a different notice. I'll be back in a couple of hours. [Mrs. Kwan yawns] Conrad's grounded, so no video games. [takes Conrad's gamepad away] Sally, last chance, if you want to make cupcakes, I can take you to your friend Ginny's house.
Sally
Ginny's not my friend anymore. Last time we made cupcakes, she wanted me to be the head chef. I'm the head chef.
Joan
What about Denise, then?
Sally
She talked back to me, so I ordered her not to speak to me anymore.
Joan
And you don't like bossy?
Sally
I won't tolerate it.
Joan
Alright. Well, if you're both staying, remember the rules... Conrad: No playing ball in the house, no fighting, no answering the phone "city morgue".
Sally
Mommy, can't I have some rules?
Joan
No chewing tobacco.
Sally
Thanks, Mom. You have my word.
Joan
And absolutely, no one sets foot in the l living room or else...
Conrad
Or else what? You're going to do what Larry said and send me to military school?
Joan
Maybe if you would just behave, I wouldn't have to consider Military school. I wish I could trust you.
Conrad
I wish I had a different mom.
Joan
Well, sometimes, I wish the same thing.
Joan
Good luck with your meeting!
Children, would you like to watch TV with me? We don't have to tell your mother! [Turns on the TV while the two walk over to the couch. However, the TV shows Taiwanese Parliament members fighting]
Taiwanese Parliament.
You tell them, Kwi-Chang! No more big Government! [karate noises] Rip his heart out! [Conrad and Sally walk to the chair and sit, Nevins yawns and lies down] Hit me! [she then falls asleep]
