Angel Stripper Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen.
William Lichter
Charlie Korsmo · 5 quotes
Kenny Fisher
Seth Green · 4 quotes
Mike Dexter
Peter Facinelli · 3 quotes
Preston Meyers
Ethan Embry · 3 quotes
Can't Hardly Wait quotes
Page 1 of 2 Angel Stripper Trip McNeely! Geez. You were a sexual icon! You know girls at Huntington still talk about you?
Trip McNeely Really? Which ones?
You must be racking up at college. College!
Trip McNeely I wish, bro. I can't even get digits as a freshman.
Shut up! Come on, you can tell me.
Trip McNeely Seriously, man. I thought college was gonna be a 24-7 orgy. Hell, that's even why I broke up with Janeen before I left.
Trip McNeely [sighs]
College chicks are totally different, bro. They're all serious and shit. They all talk about world issues and "ecolomological" crap. They all wanna date older guys.
Trip McNeely Way it goes. Hell, I even tried crawling back to Janeen. She was all cozy with some senior. He's a pre-med. They ALL are. Guys like us... we are a dime a dozen.
[Belches and then chuckles]
Cop
Lichter? William Lichter? Let's go. Your parents are here to take you home.
Oh... no. Oh... my parents? They're here? They must be so mad at me! Have you seen my father? Does he have a weapon of some kind?
Cop
Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried about you than anything else. You know, it's not your fault that... [reads from a clipboard in a very sarcastic tone] Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you to drink alcohol until you passed out.
Wh-what?
Cop
That's the statement we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink, took your chothes off.
He... he said that?
Cop
Unless... if you have another unconvincing side of the story you'd like to tell...
No... no, no, no. It's what... yeah. Uh, you know. It's just the funny thing that... he finally came clean, you know? Mike, always picking on me, yeah.
Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy
What?
It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa", cuz I don't yo.
Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right?
Jake [beat]
Girls that used to be in high school.
No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women.
You remember the time that you had to make that really stupid speech, and I kinda sorta tripped you, and everybody started laughing at you in school?
OK, yeah. Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Oh, man. Don't worry about it.
Hey, it's ancient history, right?
It's ancient history.
When was that, anyway?
That was this morning at graduation.
Oh, yeah.
Any words of encouragement?
Exchange Student
Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine.
Reminiscing Guy Hey Amanda.
Amanda Beckett Hey.
Reminiscing Guy Remember that time you danced with me at the sock hop?
Amanda Beckett Yeah.
Reminiscing Guy I never told you, but I had the hugest boner. And I was just wondering if maybe we could get together and work things out.
OK, we're gonna rendezvous here at 0030 hours, all right?
X-Phile 1
Wait, William. There's gonna be drinking in there.
Yeah, so?
X-Phile 2
So what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick you out if you don't drink.
Well, I will be drinking.
X-Phile 1
But William, you could get drunk.
X-Phile 2
You could get addicted.
Yearbook Girl
Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.
No, thanks. No time.
Yearbook Girl
Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go Hot Dogs!
Homeboy 1
Bitch, get a life!
[after he spilled water on his pants]
Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!
[narrating]
It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?
All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?
I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda.
Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.