2nd most-quoted character in The Breakfast Club (1985): in 20 of its 47 quotes
Most scenes with: John Bender (15), Claire (11), Brian Johnson (9)
Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do if we hafta take a piss?
Please.
If you gotta go, [unzips fly] you gotta go!
Oh my God!
Andrew Hey, you're not urinating in here man!
Don't talk, don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
Andrew You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor!
You're pretty sexy when you get angry...grrr!
Hey, homeboy, why don't you close that door; we'll get the Prom Queen impregnated.
Andrew Hey. Hey!
What?
Andrew If I lose my temper, you're totaled man!
Totally?
Andrew Totally!
Andrew Look, just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass, so knock it off!
It's a free country.
He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
So...so! Are you guys like boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady dates? Lo-vers?. Come on Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot-beef-injection?
Go to hell!
Andrew Enough!
Andrew You know, Bender, you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school.
Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team.
Andrew Nah, they wouldn't take you.
I'm hurt.
You know why guys like you knock everything...
Oh, this should be stunning.
It's 'cause you're afraid.
Oh, God! You richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities!
You're a big coward.
I'm in the math club.
See you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong, so you just have to dump all over it.
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes...now would it?
Well you wouldn't know; you don't even know any of us.
Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their **** clubs.
Andrew Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.
Oh and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!
Andrew Well you wouldn't know anything about it, ****! You never competed in your whole life!
Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys.
Andrew Ahhh, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals.
Oh, but I do!
Andrew Yeah?
I wanna be just--like--you. I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights!
You wear tights?
Andrew No I don't wear tights, I wear the required uniform.
Tights.
Andrew Shut up!
Big deal. Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.
Andrew Speak for yourself.
Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
Sporto...
Andrew What?
You get along with your parents?
Andrew Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?
You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents well you're a liar too.
Andrew You know something, man? If we weren't in school right now, I'd waste you.
Hey fellas... [Brian puts his hands on their shoulders, but they both simultaneously knock them off.] I mean...I don't like my parents either, I don't--I don't get along with them. Their idea of parental compassion is just, you know, wacko.
Dork?
Yeah?
You are a parent's wet dream, okay?
Look, I can see you getting all bunged up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?
Andrew Why do you have to insult everybody?
I'm being honest, asshole! I would expect you to know the difference!
Andrew Leave her alone. I said leave her alone!
You gonna make me?
Andrew Yeah.
You and how many of your friends?
Andrew Just me, just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor! Anytime you're ready, pal!
I don't wanna get into to this with you, man.
Andrew Why not?
'Cause I'd kill you. It's real simple. I'd kill you and your **** parents would sue me and it would be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother.
Andrew Chicken shit...
Andrew Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her, you don't look at her [Meanwhile, Allison steals the switchblade.] and you don't even think about her! You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
All right girls, that's 30 minutes for lunch.
Andrew Here? Well I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir.
Well I don't care what you think Andrew.
Uh, Dick? Excuse me, Rich? Will milk be made available to us?
Andrew We're extremely thirsty, sir.
I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew I've seen her dehydrate sir. It's pretty gross.
Relax, I'll get it.
Uh-Uh-Uh...Grab some wood there bub. What do you think I was born yesterday? You think I'm going to have you roaming these halls? [to Andrew] You. [Andrew motions to Claire, but Vernon points to Allison] And you. Hey! What's her name? Wake her. Wake her up. Hey! Come on, on your feet 'Missy,' let's go! This is no rest home. There's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge. Let's go!
Andrew So...what's your poison? [Allison doesn't respond.] What do you drink? [No response again.] Okay...forget I asked.
Vodka.
Andrew Vodka. When do you drink Vodka?
Whenever.
Andrew Do you drink it a lot?
Tons.
Andrew Is that why you're here today? Why are you here--
Why are you here?
Andrew I'm...here because my coach and my old man don't want me to blow my ride. You see, the coach thinks I'm a winner. My old man thinks I'm a winner. I'm not a winner 'cause I wanna be a winner. I'm a winner 'cause I have strength and speed, kinda like a race horse. Shows you how involved I am in everything that's happening to me.
Yeah? That's very...interesting. Now, why don't you tell me why you're really in here.
Andrew Forget it.
PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch; all the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...
Ah. Here's my impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, pal?" "Great, Dad! How's yours?" "Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad! But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" "Gee!" "Dear, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?" [kiss, then mimes punching]
Andrew All right, what about your family?
My family? Oh, that's easy. "Stupid, worthless, no good, God damned free loading son-of-a-bitch! ****, big mouth, know-it-all asshole jerk!" "You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful!" "Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!" "What about you, Dad?" "**** you!" "No, Dad, what about you?" "**** you!" "No, Dad, what about you?!" "**** you!" [mimes punching]
Is that for real?
You wanna come over some time?
Andrew That's bullshit. It's all part of your image, I don't believe a word of it.
You don't believe me?
Andrew No.
No?
Andrew Did I stutter?
Do you believe this? Huh? It's about the size of a cigar...Do I stutter? You see this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage. See I don't think that I need to sit here with you ****in' dildos anymore!
Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?
Yeah, I always carry this much shit in my bag. You never know when you may have to jam.
Are you gonna be like a shopping bag lady? You know like, sit in alleyways and like talk to buildings and wear men's shoes and that kinda thing?
I'll do what I have to do.
Why do you have to do anything?
My home life is un-satisfying...
So you're saying you'd subject yourself to the violent dangers of the Chicago streets because your home life is unsatisfying?
I don't have to run away and live in the street; I can run away and, go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I can go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan...
Andy...you wanna get in on this? Allison here says, she wants to run away, because her home life is unsatisfying.
Andrew Well everyone's home lives are unsatisfying. If it wasn't, people would live with there parents forever.
Yeah, yeah I understand. But I think that hers goes beyond, you know, what guys like you and me consider normal unsatisfying.
Never mind, forget it, everything's cool.
Andrew What's the deal?
No! There's no deal, Sporto. Forget it, leave me alone.
Andrew Wait a minute, now you're carrying all that crap around in your purse. Either you really wanna run away or you want people to think you wanna run away.
Eat shit!
The girl is an island, with herself.
Andrew Hey, what's wrong? You wanna talk about it?
No.
Andrew Why not?
Go away.
Andrew Where do you want me to go?
Go away! [Andrew hesitantly leaves her be.] You have problems.
Andrew Oh, I have problems?
You do everything everyone ever tells you to do! That is a problem!
Andrew Okay, fine. But I didn't dump my bag on the couch and invite everyone into my problems. [He begins to approach her again.] Did I? Now, tell me. What's wrong? Is it bad? Really bad? Parents?
Andrew What do they do to you?
I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
You're lying.
I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Lie.
Are your parents aware of this?
The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew And what'd he do when you told him?
He nailed me.
Very nice.
I don't think it can be construed as rape since I paid him.
He's an adult!
Yeah. He's married, too.
Ugh, do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
Well, the first few times--
The first few times?! You mean, you've done it more than once?! Are you crazy?!
Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
Have you ever done it?
I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Didn't we already cover this?
You never answered the question.
Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life with total strangers.
It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
A what?
Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut! It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do you wish you didn't, right?
Wrong.
...Or, are you a tease?
Andrew She's a tease.
Why don't you just drop it?
Andrew You're a tease and you know it, all girls are teases!
She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
I don't do anything!
That's why you're a tease.
Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.
I've already told you everything!
No, doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean don't you want any respect?
I don't screw to get respect; that's the difference between you and me.
Not the only difference, I hope.
Face it, you're a tease.
I'm not a tease!
Sure you are! Sex is a weapon! You said it yourself; you use it to get respect!
No, I never said that. She twisted my words around.
Oh, then what do you use it for?
I don't use it period!
Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth!
Well if you'd just answer the question...
Why don't you just answer the question?
Andrew Be honest...
No big deal...
Yeah, answer it!
Andrew Answer the question, Claire!
Talk to us!
Andrew and Brian Come on, answer the question!
It's easy, it's only one question!
No! I never did it!
I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar.
That was great, Claire. My image of you is totally blown.
You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!
Am I laughing?
Andrew You **** prick!
What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember? [to Claire] And you...don't like me anyway.
You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!
God, you're so pathetic! Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! ****in' Rapunzel, right? School would probably **** shut down if you didn't show up! "Queenie isn't here!" I like those earrings Claire.
Shut up.
Are those real diamonds, Claire?
Shut up!
I bet they are. Did you work, for the money, for those earrings?
Shut your mouth!
Or did your daddy buy those?
Shut up!
I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner ****in' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!" Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?
Andrew My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
It's unavoidable, it just happens.
What happens?
When you grow up, your heart dies.
So, so on Monday...what happens?
Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?
Yeah.
Do you want the truth?
Yeah, I want the truth.
I don't think so.
With all of us, or just John?
All of us...
Andrew That's a real nice attitude, Claire!
Oh, be honest, Andy. If Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sportos. I know exactly what you'd do; you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!
Andrew No way...
'Kay, what if I came up to you?
Same exact thing.
You are a bitch!
Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?
No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell 'em that you're gonna like who you wanna like!
Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me.
Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you don't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends, so you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor-rich-drunk mother in the Caribbean!
SHUT UP!!!
And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget it! 'Cause it's never gonna happen! Just bury your head in the sand, and wait for your ****in' prom!
I hate you!
Yeah? Good!
I just wanna tell each of you that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! 'Cause I think that's real shitty.
Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us.
You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself; why are you like that?
I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!
Well then why do you do it?
I don't know, I don't--you don't understand...you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you!
I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire? Well **** you! **** you! [Brian breaks down and begins to cry.] Know why I'm here today? Do you?! I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a gun in the locker.
Andrew Why'd you have a gun in your locker?
I tried. You pull the ****in' trunk on it and the light's s'posed to go on...and it didn't go on, I mean, I...
Andrew What's the gun for Brian?
Just forget it.
Andrew You brought it up, man!
I can't have an F, I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it. Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B. And everything's ruined for me.
Oh, Brian...
****! So I considered my options, you know?
No! Killing yourself is not an option!
Well I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so!
It was a hand gun?
No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker.
Andrew Really? [starts to laugh]
It's not funny...
Yes it is. ****in' elephant was destroyed!
You wanna know what I did to get in here? Nothing; I didn't have anything better to do.
You're laughing at me!
Andrew No...!
Yes, you are!
[Everyone, feeling better, continues to laugh.]
What do you say we close that door? We can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.
Well, you know the door's supposed to stay open.
So what?
Andrew So why don't you just shut up? There's four other people in here, you know.
God, you can count. See, I knew you had to be smart to be a...a wrestler.
Andrew Who the hell are you to judge anybody, anyway?
Really.
Andrew You know, Bender, you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school.
Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team. [Claire and Andrew chuckle] Maybe the prep club, too. Student council.
Andrew Nah. They wouldn't take you.
I'm hurt.
You know why guys like you knock everything?
Oh, this should be stunning.
It's 'cause you're afraid.
Oh, God. You richies are so smart; that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities.
You're a big coward.
I'm in the math club.
See, you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong, so you just have to dump all over it.
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?
Well you wouldn't know; you don't even know any of us.
Well, I don't know any lepers, either, but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their **** clubs.
Andrew Uh, let's watch the mouth, huh?
I’m in the Physics Club, too.
Excuse me a sec. [to Brian] What are you babbling about?
Well, what I said was that I'm in a Math Club, uh, the Latin Club, and the Physics Club-Physics Club.
Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the Physics Club?
That's an academic club.
So?
So, academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
Ah, but to dorks like him, they are. [to Brian] What do you guys do in your club?
In physics, well, we, we, uh, we talk about physics. Uh, properties of physics.
So it's sort of social. Demented and sad, but social, right?
I guess you could consider it a social situation.
What's your name?
What's yours?
Claire.
Claire?
Claire. It's a family name.
No, it's a fat girl's name.
You're welcome.
I'm not fat.
Well, not at present, but I could see you really pushing maximum density. You see, I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people. There's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin, but they became fat, so when you look at them you can sort of see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh... [imitates vomiting, and Claire gives him the "**** you!" middle finger] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin? I'll bet you a million dollars that you are. Let's end the suspense. Is it gonna be a...white weddin'?
Why don't you just shut up?
Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth? Have you ever been felt up...over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off, hoping to God your parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...no bra...blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past 11:00 on a school night?
Andrew Leave her alone. [walks to Bender] I said, "Leave her alone".
You gonna make me?
Andrew Yeah.
Andrew Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal. [pins on him]
Andrew Why not?
Because I'd kill you. It's real simple: I'd kill you, and your **** parents would sue me, and it'd be a big mess, and I don't care enough about you to bother.
Andrew Chickenshit. [John pulls out his switchblade, and slams it on Allison's table] Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her, [Allison takes John's switchblade] you don't look at her, and you don't even think about her! You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
