[making an opinion on who might have shot his TV]

I'll tell you who did it. It's probably some goddamn kids. 'Cause these goddamn kids today, they all got goddamn guns, and they're all sniffing glue!

Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.

I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.

Thank you for that observation.