Dusty
I told you, Wolf. The only way to make this picture is to have twelve different camera angles with birds flying around. Oh, and by the by, Confucius say, uh... KA-STANG! You're busted!
Marty Wolf
Paul Giamatti · 16 quotes
Jason Shepherd
Frankie Muniz · 13 quotes
Kaylee
Amanda Bynes · 8 quotes
Franklin "Frank" Jackson
Donald Faison · 4 quotes
Astrid Barker
Rebecca Corry · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jason Shepherd & Kaylee (4), Kaylee & Astrid Barker (3), Jason Shepherd & Marty Wolf (2)
Big Fat Liar quotes
Page 1 of 3
The Masher [repeated line]
OH MY GOD!
Tow truck guy
They told me to pick up a little blue car. They didn't say anything about a little blue man!
Hi, Astrid. Adam Sandler called to set up a lunch. I sent some flowers to Meg Ryan because she sounded like she had a little cold. Oh, and I scheduled a deep body massage for you at 3. [places a hand on Astrid's shoulder] Look like you could use a little you time. [Kaylee boops Astrid's nose with her finger] Kay. [Kaylee hands papers to Astrid and leaves]
Thank you, kind stranger.
[Jason and Kaylee walk up to her desk]
Marty Wolf Pictures. Please hold. Marty Wolf Pictures. Please hold. Can I help you?
We're here to see Marty Wolf.
Do you have an appointment?
[Kaylee turns her head to Jason]
I'm asking you... [eyes Astrid's name plate] Astrid, what kind of sick world this is when children need an appointment|to see their own father?
[Kaylee smiles sheepishly at Astrid]
Look, this is gonna be an emotional reunion for all of us so once you let us in, you're probably gonna|wanna hold Papa's calls as well.
Mr. Wolf doesn't see anyone without an appointment.
Fur coat king of the Midwest, my butt! I got some R-rated dialogue for you, but I'm gonna keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG. You owe me $100 for yesterday's ride.
Well, maybe we--
You almost cost me my job.
Frank, I'm sorry. I can explain.
I just--
Azitatatatatatata!
If we could--
I don't wanna hear it, okay?
I know, I just--
Azita, azitatatatata!
If you just--
Azita, azitatatatata!
I--
Azita!
I--
Azita! Azitatatatatatatata!
I'm sorry. It's just we came out here to get even with this guy Marty Wolf. Because he... he stole my story...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
And he's making it into this big movie.
Did you just say "Marty Wolf"?
Yeah, you know him?
Know him? I used to drive him. He fired me last year.
Why?
I'm an actor, see? [shows a photo of himself] Right? And I made the mistake of asking him if I could audition for one of his movies. He could've said "No" and not let me audition, right? But instead, he takes my headshot, writes "Loser" across my forehead, and then faxes it to every casting director in town.
You poor thing.
If you guys wanna mess with Wolf, I got your back.
How 'bout that phone call, Wolf? Should be easy, since your ear-piece is super-glued to your ear!
You did this?!
Call my Dad.
Yes.
Astrid Barker?
Yes.
Ah'm sorry t' say, yer car is parked onna dawg.
My car… is parked on a dog?! [Exit Astrid].
Jas?
Jason': I'm at the beach! [on the phone] Hey, Frank; Mr. Stroog. Meet us at the theater gate in 20.
Hey. What's with the Cokes?
The machine! It's rigged! THEY'RE FREE, HAHAHA, THEY'RE FREE!!
I can't make it to the meeting, Monty; I'm blue.
Monty Oh, I'm sorry you're upset.
No, I mean it… and I have orange…
Up y'r a––s, "Grandma"!
"Grandma"
Up yours, Blue Boy!
Jaleel White [on the set of Whitaker and Fowl, talking to his co-star, a chicken]
Listen, Whitaker, I'm not your sister, I'm not your girlfriend, and I'm not your priest. So, if you wanna remain my partner, I got two words for you, shut the heck up! You talk way too much! OK, can we cut? Can we... cause this, this ain't workin' for me at all. What are you, doing, are you fumigating me or something!
Move!
Producer
Moving.
Why did you call "cut"? I did not tell you to stop acting, Urkel!
Jaleel Wolf, how many times have I told you NOT to call me Urkel? My name is Jaleel White, okay? Urkel was a character I played when I was a child!
Okay, "Jaleel"! What's the problem, huh?
Jaleel You want to know the problem? You wanna know the problem? I'm getting nothing from the chicken, that's the problem. He just sits there with his head all slumped over. I have absolutely no idea what my motivation is!
Okay, well you're a police officer named Fowl.
Jaleel Mmm-hmmm.
Your new partner is a crime fighting chicken named Whitaker. And your motivation is a nice fat pay check that's keeping you from working at the drive-thru window at McDonald's!
Jaleel Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa! Watch yourself, Wolf, watch yourself!
No, you watch yourself, pal! You're just lucky I'm not making you wear the freaky glasses and suspenders.
Ms. Caldwell--- Can I call you Phyllis?
Phyllis
No.
Understood. As much as I wanted to write my paper, I mean I really really wanted to write my paper I couldn't and it's because I spent all last night in Greenbury General Emergency room. See, my mom made Swedish meatballs for dinner. It'd my dad's favorite and he was so excited he accidently swallowed one whole. It was awful. He started choking, his face turned purple. The meatball was litterly bulging out of his neck. We rushed to the ER. I kept trying to write my paper in the waiting room but it was too hard. I needed to be by my father's side. After all he's the only dad I got.
Phyllis
You are lying through your teeth, you little demon.
Ms. Caldwell--- Can I call you Phyllis?
Phyllis
No.
Understood. But, as much as I wanted to write my paper, I mean I really really wanted to write my paper I couldn't and it's because I spent all last night in Greenbury General Emergency room. See, my mom made Swedish meatballs for dinner. It'd my dad's favorite and he was so excited he accidently swallowed one whole. It was awful. He started choking, his face turned purple. The meatball was litterly bulging out of his neck. We rushed to the ER. I kept trying to write my paper in the waiting room but it was too hard. I needed to be by my father's side. After all he's the only dad I got.
Phyllis
You are lying through your teeth, you little demon.
I want to see a broken man people. I mean broken as in 'I hit a baseball through the window' broken. I want you to turn him into mince meat, and I don't even know what mince meat is! I want him to cry for his mommy! Wah! Wah! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Do you read me 'cause I don't think you read me?
'Jason: I think they read you.
Fair enough.