Melvin Udall I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too. Melvin Udall "Never," she says. "Never," she says. Melvin Udall Carol, the waitress, Simon, the ****.