Arsenic and Old Lace quotes

56 total quotes

Elaine Harper
Jonathan Brewster
Mortimer Brewster
Other
Teddy

View Quote [to elderly guest] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?

View Quote Rev. Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby: Oh, no.
Martha Brewster: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.

View Quote [explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married] You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.

View Quote I shall be in my office vetoing some bills.

View Quote We better not leave the car parked in the street; it might be against the law.

View Quote Even the cat's in on it!

View Quote Teddy: Mr. Witherfork!
Mr. Witherspoon: Spoon!
Mortimer: [hands him spoon] Oh, here you go.

View Quote [trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, here's ten dollars. Why don't you be a good sport and go out and haunt yourself a hotel?

View Quote Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!

View Quote [to Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar. There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.

View Quote [after finding the dead body in the window seat]
Mortimer: But — what happened to him?
Martha: [cheerfully] He died.

View Quote Mortimer: Wait outside.
Dr. Gilchrist: But it's Halloween!
Mortimer: Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight

View Quote When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!

View Quote The home of my youth... As a child, I wanted to escape it. Now, I want to escape back into it.

View Quote [Mortimer is feeling amorous in the cemetery with Elaine]
Elaine: Mortimer! Right out here in the open with everyone looking?
Mortimer: Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look!