"Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin. From now on, unacceptable."
Anger Management quotes
"So when I get out of prison in the next 2-5 years, I expect you to do the right thing and give me the promotion that Andrew resigned from.
"There are two kinds of angry people: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of Individual that you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupon. Implosive, is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You are the cashier."
Oh my goodness, Bobby Knight. You're in this class also?
Bobby Knight
Yeah its my first day.
Working on the anger problem?
Bobby Knight
Anger? Isn't this sexaholics anonymous?
Oo, noo.. I think that's down the hall...
Bobby Knight
[Throws down his book in anger]
Well, to hell with this! I'm goin' home!
What about the Air Marshall who tasered me? Was he in on it?
Linda
No, he was just having a bad day.
Air Marshall
Son of a bitch!
[watching a movie, laughing]
OH, HEY! I'M WETTIN MY JOCKIES HERE! [continues laughing] You gotta get a load of this, keed. I mean, you like comedies? Huh?
Yeah, I just haven't been getting much sleep lately and I'd like to get some.
Oh, hey, hey. [pause, watches movie] Take a look at this actress here. What is your position on, uh, breast implants?
Dave Busnik
[disturbs people on plane]
You know, I could just watch the movie with ya. [to flight attendant] Excuse me, could I get a headset?
Flight Attendant
Certainly.
[As Dave sees Kendra in her undies...]
Kendra, even though I'd love to see ya take that bra off because it represents a team I've hated my entire life, I think you gotta keep it on.
Kendra
Why?
'Cause I got a girlfriend.
Kendra
[Kendra then frowns]
I'm not a child, Dave. If you think I'm a porker, then just come right out and say it.
No, no, no... I don't think you're a porker.
Kendra
Well, then, why, when the idea of sleeping with me comes up, you, all of a sudden, have a "girlfriend"?
Because I do, I do, I have a girlfriend.
Kendra
Said the liar to the beached whale!
You're not a beached whale! If anything, you could even gain a few pounds.
Kendra
Oh, so now I'm too skinny for you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't mean that.
Kendra
Is this what you want, Dave? [stuffs her face with brownies]
No.
Kendra
[with mouth full]
If I put on a few pounds, will you be able to stifle your vomit long enough to have sex with me?!
Holy shit.
Kendra
[still stuffing herself]
Are you such a hot stud that you're gonna break me in two?
You're angry right now. Do ya wanna sing a song? Do you know "I Feel Pretty"? [Kendra throws a brownie at his face] Oh!
Kendra
[while pelting him with brownies]
Get out, get out, get out! Get out! [slams the door]
Porker! Fatty! No!
Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?
Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin Buddy, I am not a cheater.
I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my... last name! That's all I want.
I'm feeling very angry right now, because I have only one bed and no couch.
I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling-out-my-penis-in-front-of-you-ophobe.
Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!
Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank! I was at the store! I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop shitting! Any of those things would have been fine!