Dave Buznik quotes from Anger Management (2003)

I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. Oh so pretty and whitty and... gay.

Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!

I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling-out-my-penis-in-front-of-you-ophobe.

I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my... last name! That's all I want.

Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank! I was at the store! I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop shitting! Any of those things would have been fine!

I'm feeling very angry right now, because I have only one bed and no couch.

Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin Buddy, I am not a cheater.

"So when I get out of prison in the next 2-5 years, I expect you to do the right thing and give me the promotion that Andrew resigned from.

Oh my goodness, Bobby Knight. You're in this class also?

Yeah its my first day.

Working on the anger problem?

Anger? Isn't this sexaholics anonymous?

Oo, noo.. I think that's down the hall...

Well, to hell with this! I'm goin' home!

Dr Buddy Rydell

OH, HEY! I'M WETTIN MY JOCKIES HERE! [continues laughing] You gotta get a load of this, keed. I mean, you like comedies? Huh?

Yeah, I just haven't been getting much sleep lately and I'd like to get some.

Dr Buddy Rydell

Oh, hey, hey. [pause, watches movie] Take a look at this actress here. What is your position on, uh, breast implants?

You know, I could just watch the movie with ya. [to flight attendant] Excuse me, could I get a headset?

Certainly.

What about the Air Marshall who tasered me? Was he in on it?

No, he was just having a bad day.

Son of a bitch!

Kendra, even though I'd love to see ya take that bra off because it represents a team I've hated my entire life, I think you gotta keep it on.

Why?

'Cause I got a girlfriend.

I'm not a child, Dave. If you think I'm a porker, then just come right out and say it.

No, no, no... I don't think you're a porker.

Well, then, why, when the idea of sleeping with me comes up, you, all of a sudden, have a "girlfriend"?

Because I do, I do, I have a girlfriend.

Said the liar to the beached whale!

You're not a beached whale! If anything, you could even gain a few pounds.

Oh, so now I'm too skinny for you?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't mean that.

Is this what you want, Dave? [stuffs her face with brownies]

No.

If I put on a few pounds, will you be able to stifle your vomit long enough to have sex with me?!

Holy shit.

Are you such a hot stud that you're gonna break me in two?

You're angry right now. Do ya wanna sing a song? Do you know "I Feel Pretty"? [Kendra throws a brownie at his face] Oh!

Get out, get out, get out! Get out! [slams the door]

Porker! Fatty! No!