Richard Griffiths movie quotes

View Quote I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees. There is, you'll agree, a certain je ne sais quoi oh so very special about a firm young carrot.

View Quote Sherry!? Oh no, no, no, no. I'll fall straight into his trap. He's so mauve. We don't know what he's planning. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. I think you've been punished enough. I think we better release you from the legumes and transfer your talents to the meat.

View Quote It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when he awakens and quite reasonably says to himself: [He puts his hand on his heart] "I will never play The Dane." When that moment comes, one's ambition ceases. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. As a youth I used to weep in butchers' shops.

View Quote [Harry and the Dursleys head to the car to London Zoo.]
Aunt Petunia: It should be a lovely day at the zoo. I'm really looking forward to it.
Uncle Vernon: [to Harry] I'm warning you now, boy. Any funny business, any at all, and you won't have any meals for a week. Get in.

View Quote Uncle Vernon: I demand that you leave at once, sir! You are breaking and entering!
Hagrid: Dry up, Dursley, yeh great prune.
Harry: Who are you?
Hagrid: Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts. Of course, you know all about Hogwarts.
Harry: Sorry, no.
Aunt Petunia: Of course we knew! How could you not be, my perfect sister being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that - that school - and came home every vacation with her pockets full of frog spawn, turning teacups into rats! I was the only one who saw her for what she really was: a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family! Then she met that Potter at school and they left and got married and had you, and of course I knew you'd be just the same, just as strange, just as - as - abnormal - and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!
Harry: Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!
Hagrid: A CAR CRASH?! A car crash kill Lily an' James Potter?! It's an outrage! It's a scandal!
Hermione: You're a great wizard, Harry, you really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness... There are more important things, like friendship and bravery. And Harry - just be careful.
Hermione: Has anyone seen a toad? A boy named Neville has lost one. [sees Ron attempting magic] Oh, you're doing magic? Let's see then.
Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.
Hermione: Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, not very good is it? Of course I've only tried a few simple ones myself, but they've all worked for me. For Example, [sits in front of Harry] Oculus Reparo [waves wand]
Hermione:That's better, isn't it. Holy cricket, you're Harry Potter! I'm Hermione Granger and... you are?
Ron: [muffled] I'm Ron Weasley.
Hermione: Pleasure. You two better change into robes, I expect we'll be arriving soon. [leaves, but turns around to face Ron] You've got dirt on your nose, by the way... Did you know? Just there...
Hermione: Now I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another brilliant idea to get us killed... or worse... EXPELLED.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities.
Malfoy: So it's true then. What they're saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts. This is Crabbe, and Goyle. And I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.
[Ron s****]
Malfoy: You think my name's funny do you? No need to ask for yours. Red hair, and a hand me down robe. You must be a Weasley. You'll soon find out some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.
Harry: I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks.
Ron: Fred and George. They're beaters.
Fred: Yeah. It's our job to make sure you don't get bloodied up too much!
Fred: [to Harry about the dangers of Quidditch] Don't worry. No one's died in years.
George: Occasionally they'll go missing.
Fred: But they'll turn up in a month or two!
Harry: I...can't be a wizard. I'm...just Harry. Just Harry.
Hagrid: Well 'Just Harry'...did you ever make anything happen? Something you couldn't explain when you were angry or...scared?
[Harry enters a dungeon to see a man standing in front of the Mirror of Erised-Only, it isn't Snape or Voldemort]
Harry: You. No, it can't-it can't be. Snape, he was-he was the one who--
Quirrell: Yes, Snape. He does seem the type, doesn't he? Next to him, who would suspect p-p-p-poor st-st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?
Harry: But that day, during the Quidditch Match, Snape tried to kill me.
Quirrell: No, dear boy. I tried to kill you! And believe me, if Snape's cloak hadn't caught fire and broken my eye contact, I would have succeeded. Even with Snape muttering his little counter-curse.
Harry: Snape was trying to save me?
Quirrell: I knew you were a danger to me right from the off. Especially after Halloween.
Harry: Th-th-then you let the troll in!
Quirrell: Very good, Potter, yes. Snape, unfortunately, wasn't fooled. While everyone else was running about the dungeons, he went to the third to head me off. He, of course, never trusted me again. But he doesn't understand. I'm never alone. Never. Now, what does this mirror do? I see what I desire. I see myself holding the stone. But how do I get it?
Voice: Use the boy.
Quirrell: Come here, Potter! Now!
[Harry walks to Quirrell and the Mirror of Erised]
Quirrell: Now... tell me. What do you see?
[Harry sees his reflection take out the Philosopher's Stone, then places it into his pocket. He realizes that it truly IS in his pocket.]
Quirrell: What is it? What do you see?
Harry: I'm shaking hands with Dumbledore. I've won the House Cup.
Voice: He lies.
Quirrell: Tell the truth! WHAT DO YOU SEE?!
Voice: Let me speak to him.
Quirrell: Master, you are not strong enough.
Voice: I have strength enough for thisssssss.
[Quirrell unwraps his turban, revealing a hideous face on the back of his head-Voldemort]
Voldemort: Harry Potter. We meet again.
Harry: Voldemort?
Voldemort: Yes. You see what I've become? See what I must do to survive? Live off another, a mere parasite. Unicorn blood can sustain me, but it cannot give me a body of my own. But there is something that can. Something that, conviently enough, lies in your pocket.
[Harry attempts to escape.]
Voldemort: Stop him!
[Quirrell blocks Harry by snapping his fingers, causing flames to block off every exit.]
Voldemort: Don't be a fool. Why suffer an horrific death when you can join me and live?
Harry: Never!
Voldemort: [Laughs] Bravery. Your parents had it, too. Tell me, Harry, do you wish to see your mother and father again? [Harry's parents appear in the Mirror of Erised] Together, we can bring them back. All I ask is for something in return.
[Harry pulls the stone out of his pocket.]
Voldemort: That's it, Harry. There is no good and evil. There is only power. And those too weak to seek it. Together, we'll do extraordinary things. Just give me the stone! [Harry's parents disappear from the mirror.]
Harry: You LIAR!
Voldemort: KILL HIM!
Quirrell: What is this magic?
Voldemort: You fool! Get the stone!
Hermione: It's going to be weird going home...isn't it.
Harry:[Looking back at Hogwarts smiling] I'm not going home...not really.

View Quote Aunt Petunia: [as the lights turn on] Up! Get up! [knocks on the cupboard door and sighs] Now! [walks to the kitchen]
[Harry turns the lamp on and puts his glasses on. An excited Dudley runs down the stairs. He stops, runs back up the stairs, jumping up and down on them.]
Dudley: [Harry looks up and sees dust falls.] Wake up, cousin! We're going to the zoo!
[Harry gets up off his bed. Dudley runs back down the stairs, laughing. As Harry opens the cupboard door, Dudley shoves him and closes the door.]
Aunt Petunia: [Harry opens the door and walks to the kitchen.] Oh, here he comes, the birthday boy!
Uncle Vernon: Happy birthday son.
Aunt Petunia: Why don't you just cook the breakfast, and try not to burn anything.
Harry: Yes, Aunt Petunia.
Aunt Petunia: [closes Dudley's eyes] I want everything to be perfect for my Dudley's special day! [Harry brings the frying pan and tries to hold the bacon with a spatula.]
Uncle Vernon: Hurry up! Bring my coffee, boy!
Harry: Yes, Uncle Vernon.
Aunt Petunia: [opens Dudley's eyes, who sees many presents] Aren't they wonderful, darling?
Dudley: [about his gifts] How many are there?
Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.
Dudley: 36!? But last year, last year I had 37!
Uncle Vernon: [stammers] Yes, well, some are quite a bit bigger than last year's.
Dudley: I don't care how big they are!
Aunt Petunia: Oh, now, now, now, this is what we're going to do. Is that when we go out, we're going to buy you two new presents. How's that, pumpkin?

View Quote The best moments in reading are when you come across something — a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things — that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

View Quote Remember boys: festoon your answers with gobbets, and you won't go far wrong.

View Quote I would hate to turn out boys who, in later life, would claim to have a love of literature, or speak of the lure of language, and their love of words. Words, said in a way that's somehow... Welsh.