Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) · 39 quotes
Tied for 6th most-quoted character in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001): in 6 of its 39 quotes
Most scenes with: Harry Potter (5), Uncle Vernon (5), Aunt Petunia (3)
Yer a wizard Harry.
Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he would have remembered to land on his fat arse!
Dudley Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?
Five points each to Gryffindor... for sheer dumb luck!
It does not do to dwell on dreams Harry, and forget to live.
To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure
The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with caution.
Up! Get up! [knocks on the cupboard door and sighs] Now! [walks to the kitchen]
Dudley Wake up, cousin! We're going to the zoo!
Oh, here he comes, the birthday boy!
Happy birthday son.
Why don't you just cook the breakfast, and try not to burn anything.
Yes, Aunt Petunia.
I want everything to be perfect for my Dudley's special day! [Harry brings the frying pan and tries to hold the bacon with a spatula.]
Hurry up! Bring my coffee, boy!
Yes, Uncle Vernon.
Dudley How many are there?
36, counted them myself.
Dudley 36!? But last year, last year I had 37!
Dudley I don't care how big they are!
Oh, now, now, now, this is what we're going to do. Is that when we go out, we're going to buy you two new presents. How's that, pumpkin?
Dudley Make it move.
Move.
Dudley MOVE!!!!
He's asleep!
Dudley He's boring. [The Dursleys leave the snake habitat.]
Sorry about him. He doesn't understand what it's like, lying there day after day, watching people press their ugly faces in on you. [The snake looks straight at Harry.] Can you hear me? [the snake nods] It's just… I've never talked to a snake before. Do you… I mean… Do you talk to people often? [the snake shakes his head] You're from Burma, aren't you? Was it nice there? Did you miss your family? [The snake indicates a sign with his head saying "Bred in captivity".] I see. But that's me as well. I never knew my parents, either.
Dudley Mummy, Dad, come here; you won't believe what this snake is doing! [Harry looks at Dudley, the entire pane of glass vanishes; Dudley stumbles and falls in the water] Whoa! Whoa! Ah!
Any time.
SNAKE!
Dudley MUMMY!! MUMMY!! [Petunia notices him and screams in horror] MUM, HELP ME!! HELP ME!!
My darling boy! How did you get in there! Who did this?! [Harry chuckles] How did you get in there? Is there a… Is there a snake? [Vernon glares at Harry]
Oh, Marge is ill. Ate a funny whelk. [Dudley sees Harry's letter]
Dudley Dad! Look! Harry's got a letter!
Hey, give it back! It's mine!
Yours? Who'd be writing to you? [He looks at the back of the letter saying "MR H. POTTER. THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS.", and the front with the Hogwarts logo. He looks at Harry, who gulps. A short time later, we see Vernon using a screw gun to secure a piece of wood over the mail slot; he looks back at Harry with a devilish grin]
Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?
Right you are, Harry. [takes cookie from Harry] No post on Sundays. HA!! [Harry looks at the window and he sees an owl's silhouette.] No blasted letters today! No, sir. Not one single bloody letter. Not one! [Harry looks through the window and looks at a parliament of owls all over the Dursleys' house.] No, sir, not one blasted, miserable– [A letter comes out of the fireplace, which hits Vernon's face.]
Dudley Aah! Make it stop! Please make it stop!
STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!
Dudley What is it?!
Dudley Please tell me what's happening!
Go away! AAH!! [Harry catches a letter.] GIVE ME THAT! GIVE ME THAT LETTER!
Get off! [they shout] They're my letters! Let go of me! [The piece of wood that Vernon screwed to the door blocking the mail slot breaks in half, and the letters come out the mail slot.]
Dudley Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!
Who's there?
Sorry 'bout that. [Picks the door up and puts it back upright in its hole]
I demand that you leave at once, sir! You are breaking and entering!
Dry up, Dursley, you great prune. [grabs the shotgun by its barrels with one hand and bends the barrels upwards; Vernon fires into the ceiling. Hagrid looks at Dudley] Well, I haven't seen you since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a bit more along then I would have expected; particularly 'round the middle.
Dudley I'm not... I'm not Harry.
I am.
Well of course you are! Got somethin' for yer. [Gives Harry a box] 'fraid I might have sat on it at some point but I imagine it'll taste fine just the same. Baked it myself, words and all.
Thank you! [Harry opens the box to reveal a small cake with pink icing and the words "HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY" written in green]
It's not everyday your young man turns 11, now is it?
Excuse me, but, who are you?
Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts. Of course, you know all about Hogwarts.
Sorry, no.
No? Blimey, Harry, did you ever wonder where your Mum and Dad learned it all?
Learned what?
You're a wizard, Harry.
I– I'm a what?
A wizard! And a thumpin' good 'un, I'd wager, once you've been trained up a bit.
I think you've made a mistake. I mean, I... can't be a... a wizard. I mean, I'm... just... Harry. Just Harry.
Well, "Just Harry"... did you ever make anything happen? Anything you couldn't explain when you were angry or scared?
"Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry".
He will not be going! We swore when we took him in that we would put a stop to all of this rubbish!
You knew!? You knew all along, and you never told me!?
Of course we knew. How could you not be? My perfect sister being what she was. My mother and father were so proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one who saw her for what she was: a freak! And then she met that Potter, and she had you, and I knew you'd be the same. Just as strange, just as... abnormal. And then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up, and we got landed with you.
"Blown up"? You told me my parents died in a car crash!
It's an outrage! It's a scandal!
He will not be going!
Oh, and I suppose a great Muggle like yourself's going to stop him, are ya?
"Muggle"?
Non-magic folk. [to the Dursleys, angrily] This boy's had his name down ever since he was born! He's going to the finest school of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the world, and he'll be under the finest headmaster that Hogwarts has ever seen: Albus Dumbledore. [In the meantime, Hagrid is unaware of Dudley stealing the cake he made for Harry]
I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!
Never... insult Albus Dumbledore... in front of me. [Hagrid sees Dudley eating Harry's cake and points his umbrella at him. A pig's tail appears on Dudley's bottom. The Dursleys scream and run out of the room] I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone at Hogwarts about that. Strictly speakin', I'm not supposed to do magic.
OK.
We're a bit behind schedule. Best be off. Unless you'd rather stay, a'course.
