Christopher McDonald movie quotes

View Quote you know yesterday I saw two big fat bikers having sex in the woods....how am i supposed to CHIP with that going on?!

View Quote Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

View Quote Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

View Quote [Chanting] Be excited, be, be excited.

View Quote Join us in creating excellence!

View Quote Now we come to step three. This... drives... most... people... crazy.

View Quote Annie: Hogarth? What is going on up there? Are you all right?
Hogarth: I'm fine!
Kent: You know, this sort of thing is why it's so important to really chew your food.
[Annie turns and gives Kent a dirty look.]

View Quote George: This is Nautilus. What's the Giant's current position?
Rick: [through radio] 67.71972 degrees west by 44.50177 degrees north.
Robert: Locked and loaded.
Annie: [caressing Hogarth] Oh, my baby, I'm so sorry.
Hogarth: [regains consciousness; to Dean] Stop the car.
Annie: [surprised] Hogarth! Oh, my God! Honey, you're all right!
Hogarth: Go back! We've gotta help him!
Dean: Are you crazy, kid? You're lucky to be alive. We're taking you to a hospital. [sees the Army; stops truck.]
Rick: Everyone, out of the car! We are to evacuate the area. [pulling Dean of out the truck]
Dean: What are you talking about? We gotta get this boy to a hospital.
Rick: What boy?
Dean: [sees the truck is empty; alarmed] Hogarth!
[Hogarth runs up to Giant as Dean and Annie look on.]
Annie: [worried] Hogarth, no!
[Giant targets the battleship as Hogarth arrives to stop him.]
Hogarth: Hey! No! STOP!
[Giant turns to Hogarth and he shoots to sky, narrowly missing the battleship, as the army reacts in shock. Kent looks at General Rogard.]
General Rogard: [to Nautilus, through radio] This is General Rogard. Ready the attack and prepare to retreat to the fallback position.
Annie: No! No! Stop! My son is out there!
[camera cuts to Hogarth as Giant points his weapon at him.]
Hogarth: No, wait! It's me, Hogarth. Remember? It's bad to kill. Guns kill. And you don't have to be a gun. You are what you choose to be. You choose. [braces for impact] Choose.
Giant: [his eyes return to normal] Hogarth. [returns to his normal form, feeling regretful, as he moans.]
Hogarth: It's okay, It's okay. We gotta show them you're good.
[Giant turns around, and the camera cuts to inside the Nautilus submarine.]
John: Nautilus to Rogard. Missile armed and ready.
General Rogard: What are you saying? He's friendly?
Dean: Yes! Attacking him is triggering a defense mechanism.
Kent: Don't listen, General! Destroy the monster while we still have the chance!
[soldiers arm their rifles, after hear the Giant's footsteps]
Dean: General, you shoot now, and the whole thing starts all over again!
Kent: Stop it now, General! Our future's at stake!
Rick: Orders, sir?
Dean: Which is why you have got to stop, General!
Rick: [alarmed] It's getting closer! Orders, sir?!
Hogarth: Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Annie: Hogarth!
General Rogard: Hold your fire! The boy's alive?
Kent: It's a trick; Launch the missile!
General Rogard: Are you mad, Mansley? All units, stand down! Rogard to Nautilus. Come in, Nautilus.
[Giant angrily stares at Kent for knocking Hogarth unconscious, and Kent is alarmed]
John: [through radio] This is Nautilus, standing by.
Kent: [snatches radio; screaming] LAUNCH THE MISSILE NOW!
[Nautilus captain pushes the red button, launching the missile up to the sky.]
General Rogard: [grabs Kent by his trench coat] [angrily] That missile is TARGETED TO THE GIANT'S CURRENT POSITION! WHERE'S THE GIANT, MANSLEY?!
Kent: [sees the Giant holding Hogarth in his hands standing behind him] Wha--? Ohhhh....W-W-We can duck and cover! There's a fallout shelter right there. If we hur--
General Rogard: There's no way to survive this, YOU IDIOT!
Kent: [shocked] You mean... we're all going to--?
General Rogard: To die, Mansley. For our country.
Kent: [his last words; alarmed] Screw our country, I wanna live! [shoves a soldier out of a jeep and starts to drive away, but the Giant stops him by blocking his jeep with his hand.]
General Rogard: Hold him, men. [Soldiers aim their rifles at Kent.] Make sure he stays here, like a good soldier.
[an air raid siren goes off and the crowd gets worried and scared. Giant puts Hogarth down then he walks up to Annie and hugs her.]
Hogarth: [shocked] Oh, no. [looks to where the missile is heading.]
Giant: Hmm.
Hogarth: It's the missile. When it comes down, everyone will die. [Annie places her hand on Hogarth's shoulder.]
Man: There it is! [the crowd sees the missile up in the sky as Giant looks at it then he looks to crowd knowing that the missile will kill everyone, and bravely looks at the missile.]
Annie: Shouldn't we get to a shelter?
Dean: [shaking his head] It wouldn't matter.
Giant: I fix. [Hogarth feels surprised and he walks up to Giant.]
Hogarth: Giant? [Giant kneels down and gently places his finger at him.]
Giant: Hogarth. You stay. I go. [gently lifts Hogarth's chin, and sadly waves his other finger] No following. [backs slowly]
Hogarth: [softly] I love you.
[The Giant takes off as Hogarth looks on and Annie comforts him. As the missile starts to descend, the Giant flies up into outer space, aiming himself towards it, to save the town.]
Hogarth: [through memory] You are who you choose to be.
Giant: [last word; heroically] Superman...
[The Giant closes his eyes and flies straight into the missile, which explodes in a massive atomic fireball, as Annie, Dean and Hogarth shield their eyes from the blinding light. The townspeople and soldiers cheer as Rogard solemnly removes his helmet in respect for the Giant's sacrifice]
General Rogard: [solemnly] Let's go home.

View Quote [Hogarth opens the door and sees Kent Mansley.]
Kent: Hey there, scout. Kent Mansley. I work for the government. [Hogarth quickly closes the door and he gasps]
Annie: Hogarth? [Kent knocks and rings the doorbell] Hogarth? [Hogarth opens the door]
Kent: Hey there, scout. Kent Mansley. [smile disappears] Work for the government. Your parents home?
Hogarth: We're eating.
Kent: Mmm, boy.
Annie: Who's there, honey?
Kent: [stares at Annie's chest; huskily] Well, hello there. [clears throat and regains composure] Do you have a telephone I could use?
Annie: Yes, there's one in the kitchen.
Kent: Well, thank you. Thank you very much. [to Hogarth] Here. [puts his fedora on Hogarth's head] Pretend you're a gangster. [chuckles]
[Kent calls General Rogard's home phone number. The general picks up while watching a western on TV.]
General Rogard: [annoyed] Damn it, Mansley, you called me at home for this?
Kent: You don't understand, sir. It-it-it-- It ate my car!
General Rogard: And you saw this happen?
Kent: No, I didn't actually see it. It went off into the... woods.
General Rogard: So, you don't have any evidence.
Kent: But-But sir, I've got an eyewitness!
General Rogard: An eyewitness with a concussion.
Kent: [shouts] This thing i--! [covers his mouth and lowers his voice] This thing is a menace. It-It-It-It tore up a power station and-- [phone falls, and he picks up] --and caused a train wreck!
General Rogard: What did? Tell me again, Mansley, and this time, listen to yourself.
Kent: [sighs; wearily] A giant metal monster. [Rogard guffaws on the other end. Kent turns around a kitchen mitt that seems to mock him.] Please, sir. I've got a feeling about this one.
General Rogard: That's lovely, Kent. But let me try to explain how this works: If you told me you'd found, say, um, a giant footprint, I might send over an expert to make a plaster cast of it. Hell, you get me a photograph of this thing and I could probably get some troops over there! But you tell me you've got a feeling.
Kent: All right, then fine. You want evidence? I'll get you evidence, and when I do, I'm gonna want a memo distributed.
General Rogard: [dryly] That sounds swell, Kent.
Kent: I'm gonna want that memo carbon-copied, and redistributed, [Rogard hangs up.] and-- [Kent stops, and tries to hang up the phone, which falls off the receiver, twice; he gets angry, yelling incoherently and bangs the phone against the receiver several times, then composes himself.] Hi. Thanks for the use of your phone. [goes outside the door and puts his fedora back on.] Well, thank you for the use of your phone, Mrs.--?
Annie: Hughes. Annie Hughes. And this is my son, Hogarth.
Kent: Thank you, Annie. Hobart.
Hogarth: That's Hogarth! [grumbles irritably]
[Kent gets into his government-issue car and starts driving.]
Kent: "Hogarth"? What an embarrassing name. Might as well call him Zeppo or something. What kind of a sick person would name their kid Hogar--? [stops and looks over to Hogarth's smashed B-B gun which says "Hog Hug," instead of "Hogarth Hughes." ] "Hog Hug". "HOG HUG"?! [realizes] HOGARTH HUGHES!

View Quote Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.

View Quote Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!

View Quote Are you frickin' insane?!