Producers, The (2005) quotes

100 total quotes

Max Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris
Ulla

View Quote Max: The two cardinal rules of producing. One: Never put your own money in the show.
Leo: And two?
Max: [yelling] Never put your own money in the show!

View Quote I was never a member of the Nazi Party! I only followed orders. I had nothing to do with the war! I didn't even know there was a war. We lived at the back, near Switzerland. All we heard was yodelling... yoodle le he hoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, Yodelay, Yodelay, Yodelay-WHO ARE YOU!?!

View Quote I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!

View Quote Leo and Max: We can do it! We can do it!
Max: Every show I touch I doom!
Leo and Max: We were fated, To be mated, We're Bialystock and Bloom!

View Quote Hold-Me Touch-Me: I made it out just like you told me to: To the title of the play. "Cash". It's a funny sort of name for a play, "Cash"...
Max: So is "The Iceman Cometh."

View Quote We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

View Quote Roger De Bris: This crazy Kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!
Carmen Ghia: Oh, Roger, what alliteration
Roger De Bris: Thank you, darling.

View Quote Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!

View Quote AQAP! [pause] As quick (kvick) as possible!

View Quote Leo: What's your name?
Ulla: Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yansen Tallen Hallen Svadon Swanson.
Max: What's your first name?
Ulla: That was my first name. Would you like to know my last name?
Max: We don't have the time.

View Quote MY BLUE BLANKET! GIVE ME MY BLUE BLANKET!!

View Quote [sung] Violinists love to play an E-string, but audiences really love a G-string!

View Quote Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine.

View Quote And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.

View Quote Leo: [to Ulla] We might have a position for you.
Max: Actually, we might have several positions for you.