Max Bialystock quotes

There's more to you than there is to you. (Turns head and mouths "What the F***")

We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

[after seeing Franz perform at the auditions] THAT'S OUR HITLER!

[with a very high Irish accent] I'm going to get out of here before me voice gets any higher! As we say in the old country... [normal voice] TAXI!

I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa. And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch... And I hear her calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin' and the cows need a-milkin'! Alviiiiin! Aaaaalviiiiiiiiiiiin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about? I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx. Leo's taken everything from me... Even my past!

[to Ulla] Even though we're sitting down, Mr Bloom and I are giving you a standing ovation.

What are you shooting at us for, you teutonic TWIT?!

Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!

[to a prisoner in Sing Sing] What are you in for, lack of rhythm?

I'll send you to the moon Thursday. I may even join you.

Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!

Dear Lord... I want that money!

[holding play] Smell it. Touch it. Kiss it. Kiss it! It's the mother load...

For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

Let's get out of here before they kill us.

Leo, you are nervous, over-stimulated. GIVE ME THOSE FRIGGIN' BOOKS!

Well, you know what they say: "smile and the world smiles with you". (to bust) This man should be in a straightjacket!

(reading a play) As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant ****roach. (speaking) Nah, too good.

There was a time when I was young and gay...but straight. (from deleted scene, 'King of Broadway')

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