Producers, The (1968)

Producers, The (1968) quotes

65 total quotes (ID: 469)

Franz Liebkind
Leo Bloom
Lorenzo St. DuBois
Max Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris


[Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.


[singing] And I give a flower to the big fat cop
He takes his club and he beats me up
I give a flower to the garbage man
He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
And I give it to the landlord when the rent comes 'round
He throws it in the toilet and he flush it down
It goes into the sewer
With the yuck runnin' through 'er
And it runs into the river that we drink
Hey, world, YOU STINK!

[singing] One and one's two
Two and two's four
I feel so bad 'cause I'm losin' the war!

[smiling at Leo to calm him down] Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you.' [Aside] This man should be in a straight-jacket.

[to Max] I'm sorry I called you "Fat, fat, fat".

Baby! Baby!... Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?

Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!

Der Führer does not say, "Achtung, baby."

Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick fuse or ze slow fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out. [snips dynamite fuse] Zis is critical. [lights fuse with match] Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse.

Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you!

I lieb ya, baby, I lieb ya, I lieb ya! Now lieb me alone!

I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.

I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than! I want... I want... I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!