Multiple Characters quotes

Singers: Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France

Singers: Don't be stupid! Be a smartie!
Come and join the Nazi Party! (Actually sung by Mel Brooks)

Hold me, Touch me: [locking the door to Max's office] Let's fool around.

Old Lady in Audience: [Before turning to leave the theater] Well! Talk about bad taste!

The Landlord: 'He who signs the lease must pay rent.That's the law.
Max: Murderer! Thief! How dare you take the last penny out of a poor man's pocket?
The Landlord: I have to. I'm a landlord.
Max: [looking up] Oh, Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him; he maketh a blight on the land!
The Landlord: [looking up] Don't listen to him; he's crazy.

Leo: Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.
Max: Assume away.

Max: Here's to failure
Leo: ...To failure
Drunk: Why, thank you! You're very kind!

Drunk: Eternally grateful... A TOAST!
Leo: A TOAST... to what?
Drunk: To... to toast, I love toast.
Max: To toast.
Leo: To toast.

Leo: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
Max: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?

Max: It's practically a love letter to Hitler!
Leo: This won't run a week.
Max: A week?! Are you nuts? This play's gotta close on Page 4.

Concierge: Who d'ya want?
Leo: I beg your pardon?
Concierge: Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "consy-urge". My husband used to be the "consy-urge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "consy-urge".
Max: We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
Concierge: Oh... the Kraut! He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
Max: Thank you...
Concierge: ...But you won't find him there... he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids!... You get my drift?
Leo: We... uh... get your "drift". Thank you, madam.
Concierge: I'm not a "madam"! I'm a "consy-urge"!

Roger De Bris: Ah, Bialystock and Bloom, I presume! Heh heh, forgive the pun!
Leo: [to Max] What pun?
Max: Shut up, he thinks he's witty.

Max: Roger, did you have a chance to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris: [emerges from behind a partition wearing a dress] Remarkable, remarkable! A stunning piece of work.
Leo: [under his breath] Max... he's wearing a dress.
Max: No kidding.
Roger De Bris: Did you know, I never knew that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it's just drenched with historical goodies like that... Oh dear, you're staring at my dress. I should explain. We are going to the choreographer's ball tonight and there's a prize for the best costume.
Carmen Ghia: And we always win!
Roger De Bris: I don't know about tonight. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
Leo: Where do you keep your wallet?

Roger De Bris: What have you done, L.S.D.?
Lorenzo St. DuBois: About six months... but I'm on probation, so it's all good, baby!
Roger De Bris: No, I mean, what do you do best?
Lorenzo St. DuBois: I can't do that here. That's why they put me away, baby!

Ulla: Goddag på dig!
Leo: Uh, I beg your pardon?
Ulla: Goddag på dig!
Leo: Ah, gut da! Max, have you gone mad? A receptionist who can't speak English? What will people say?
Max: They'll say, "A wuma wa wa wa wa!"

Lorenzo St. Dubois: Love, love power.
I'm talking 'bout love power
The power of a little flower.
You don't think 'bout no little flowers,
Oh no, all you think about is guns.
If everybody in the world today had a flower instead of a gun,
There would be no wars. There would be one big smell-in.
Just the flowers. Hey, man, a flower.
A flower. What you do to my flower, man?
You hurt it, like everything else.
Everything else. Flowers.
[pulls out a banana, peels it, breaks it in half, throws it away, and then sits in a corner sucking on his thumb]
Max: That's our Hitler!

Hold me, Touch me: Hold me! Touch me!
Max: [pulling her into his office] Not in the hall!

Leo: [after walking in on Max romancing Hold me, Touch me]
Leo: Oh my God!
Max: You mean "oops", don't you? Just say "oops" and get out!
Leo: Ahahahahahahahaha...
Max: Not "ahahahahahahah!" Oops!
Leo: Oops! [slams the door]

Hold me, Touch me: Oh, hold me! Touch me!
Max: Thursday! Thursday!

Hold me, Touch me: And after that, we'll play, "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia", and I'll be Lucretia.
Max: And I'll be Rape!

Hold me, Touch me: I heard the Count fired you this morning - watch the road, watch the road.
Max: [stops making car noises] Oh, Countess, I can't take my eyes off you! How can I drive when you drive me mad? Mad! [continues making car noises]
Hold me, Touch me: Oh, Rudolpho, you dirty pig! Pull over.

Goebbels: Danke schön, mein Führer.
Lorenzo St. DuBois: Hey, you're a German.
Goebbels: We're all Germans.
Lorenzo St. DuBois: That's right. [gasps] That means we CANNOT invade Germany.

[Franz Liebkind runs backstage to try to stop the play]
Stagehand: Hey, what can I do for you?
Franz Liebkind: You will please be unconscious. [hits him on the head]

Franz: I know who did zis! It vas that LSD!
Max: [hands Franz a bunch of dollar bills] Go, Franz! Buy bullets!

Max: Kill the actors!
Franz: Kill the actors? I can't kill the actors. I must destroy the actors.

Max: Ulla! Go get car!
Ulla: Ja, ja! We go to motel?
Max: No. I go with Mr. Bloom.
Ulla: You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?
Max: No! No Motel! Get Car! Get Car!
Ulla: Get car!

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