Max Bialystock quotes
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That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!
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[Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.
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Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
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Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land.
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Thank you, I knew I could con you.
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That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.
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You're an accountant! You're in a noble profession! The word "count" is part of your title!
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You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!
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I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
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Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!
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Oooooooh, I WANT THAT MONEY!
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This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
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How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
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I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.
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Leo, he who hesitates is poor!
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Money is honey! Money is honey!
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[reading post-show telegrams] "Congratulations! Hitler will run forever."
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[smiling at Leo to calm him down] Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you.' [Aside] This man should be in a straight-jacket.
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Sing it out, men! Higher, you animals, higher! We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!