Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote There are FIVE different kinds of chairs in this hotel room.

View Quote **** me in the beard.

View Quote You went to Santa Monica Community College.

View Quote Martin: Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
Jonah: I bet you do late John Lennon.

View Quote Debbie: We have to help them raise the baby.
Pete: Well...****!!

View Quote [looking at the fleshofthestars website] He misspelled "coming." Oh that's gross!

View Quote You are a funny mother****er man. Jesus, how can you fight with him? Look at his face, I just want to kiss it.

View Quote [sobbing and thinking about the babysitter] She is such a prissy little high school cu... ****!

View Quote I think it's Matisyahu.

View Quote Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

View Quote I'll see you later. (to Alison at the first bar encounter) No I won't, 'cause I'm a pussy.

View Quote [to Ben and Pete at dinner] Hey, I have a really good idea. Why don't the two of you get into your time machine, go back in time and **** each other?!

View Quote (In Alison's bed) **** off, Martin!

View Quote Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

View Quote I could smoke weed, every second, of everyday.