Grandma's Boy quotes

115 total quotes

View Quote Ya it was my roomates.....they're crazy....they tied me up. They were having their way with me and right when i was about to call the police....i came....and that was nice

View Quote You're dead to me, over.

View Quote [Mimicking J.P.] My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina.

View Quote [robot voice] Please sit on my face.

View Quote [robot voice in dismay] Alex is ****ing Samantha!

View Quote It's a wonderful dandelion/nettle blend. Very cleansing. Good for new beginnings.

View Quote I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean... And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one... ...which meant - good things are coming. Good things.

View Quote Oh, ok, ok... Fair enough, yeah, rage it up. Rage all you want. Good things are coming. Good things.

View Quote I had a dream last night. I was a snake slithering through the grass, until I came upon a dead elk, and I climbed into his soul, and its there I stayed until morning, which meant I will underestimate someone very close to me.

View Quote I'll smoke it with you bro, we'll go to the looney bin together. I don't give a ****!

View Quote Josh: I love them so much...
Alex: You love who?
Josh: The girls at Madame Kamay's Philipino Palace
Alex: You've been spending our rent money, on philipino hookers?
Josh: They're NOT HOOKERS! They're massage theripists.
Big Mover (Kevin Nash): They'll massage your **** for money.
Other Mover: Yea there's a word for that i think its hooker?
Josh: YOU'RE A HOOKER!

View Quote Dante: That is pure ****ing insanity.
Alex: Yeah, he got addicted to hookers.
Dante: No, I'm talking about the guy who threw your bong. You should never throw a bong kid... EVER!

View Quote J.P.: School, [nerdy snicker] I didn't need school. All I ever cared about were video games, and they've made me a millionaire. So, maybe I don't know what the civil war was, or who invented the helicopter, even though I own one - but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk.
Samantha: Cool.
J.P.: Yeah. I'm thinking of getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

View Quote Dante: Where do you get your weed?
Mr.Cheezle: From you Dante!
Dante: Oh yeah! What's up Mr. Cheezle!

View Quote Barry: Hey Dante my girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night...
Dante: No shit And by Girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?
Barry: [Laughing] ... yes... [Starts to cry]