Alex quotes

[to children sitting at wedding reception table] So, you can't kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here's what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and thats it - level six is done.

Oh, oh, oh my God! I'm sorry, I can't stop cumming, I'm sorry! Oh-ho-ho, It feels so good!

Hey, JP - That's a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?

My grandma drank all my pot.

Dude, your bed's a car.

At least I have a bush!

You can't get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, lose people millions.

Dude, you do know that lions eat deer right?

Don't judge me monkey!

[to J.P. after exiting Samantha's office] You're ****in' weird man.

I didn't wanna disturb you....you were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.

Ya I know....west west yo.

Don't slit your wrists Kahne, im here.

There was this baby... and i was trying to save it from this fire....

Ya it was my roomates.....they're crazy....they tied me up. They were having their way with me and right when i was about to call the police....i came....and that was nice

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