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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story quotes

88 total quotes

Dwight
Patches O'Houlihan
Pepper
Peter La Fleur
Steve the Pirate
White Goodman




View Quote Announcer: During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
Girl Scout: God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Bernice: [begins crying in a deep voice]
View Quote Cotton: It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
Pepper: That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
View Quote Cotton: It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself.
Pepper: Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
View Quote Kate: Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Dwight: Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Kate: Nice, Dwight.
Dwight:I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.
View Quote Kate: Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce: I wouldn't miss this for the world!
Kate: You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
Dwight: I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter: Wow, good call.
Kate: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter: You're not?
Kate: No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Dwight: Oh, snap!
View Quote Peter: Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter: I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: I'm not sure where you are going with this.
Peter: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to you.
Peter: Okay.
White Goodman: Touch?.
View Quote Peter: I think the lady asked you to leave.
White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter: Not nearly as much as your hair does.
View Quote Peter: Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris: Thank you Peter.
View Quote Peter: You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Justin: Yeah, why?
Peter: Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.
View Quote White Goodman: This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Peter: Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
White Goodman: And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!
View Quote [after watching Gordon throw a ball that missed a slowly moving target]
Patches: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! You gotta get MEAN! That's the only way you can win!
Gordon: Well, I guess I'm not really an angry person.
[Patches punches Gordon in the crotch and watches as he collapses]
Patches: Are you angry now?
View Quote [Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
Patches: You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Gordon: Yes sir, I sure do.
View Quote [Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] ****bait, go ahead.
Justin: Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?!
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]
View Quote [Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
Peter: I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Girl Scout: Why would you hit a girl? Why?
Peter: I'm so sorry, really.
[another girl scout whacks Peter out with a ball]
Girl Scout: In your face! IN YOUR FACE!
Peter: You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.
View Quote [Deep breath in] I love the smell of q***f in the morning!