Steve the Pirate quotes

Bollocks!

Gar, this sucks!

Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster.

I'm gonna send you to hell!

An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be..

[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Justin: Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?!
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]

Cotton: It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
Pepper: That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.

[after watching Gordon throw a ball that missed a slowly moving target]
Patches: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! You gotta get MEAN! That's the only way you can win!
Gordon: Well, I guess I'm not really an angry person.
[Patches punches Gordon in the crotch and watches as he collapses]
Patches: Are you angry now?

Cotton: It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself.
Pepper: Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton.

Peter: You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Justin: Yeah, why?
Peter: Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.

Peter: Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter: I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: I'm not sure where you are going with this.
Peter: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to you.
Peter: Okay.
White Goodman: Touch?.

[Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
Patches: You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Gordon: Yes sir, I sure do.

Kate: Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Dwight: Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Kate: Nice, Dwight.
Dwight:I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.

[Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
Peter: I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Girl Scout: Why would you hit a girl? Why?
Peter: I'm so sorry, really.
[another girl scout whacks Peter out with a ball]
Girl Scout: In your face! IN YOUR FACE!
Peter: You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.

Peter: I think the lady asked you to leave.
White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter: Not nearly as much as your hair does.

White Goodman: This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Peter: Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
White Goodman: And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!

Kate: Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce: I wouldn't miss this for the world!
Kate: You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
Dwight: I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter: Wow, good call.
Kate: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter: You're not?
Kate: No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Dwight: Oh, snap!

Announcer: During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
Girl Scout: God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Bernice: [begins crying in a deep voice]

Peter: Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris: Thank you Peter.

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