Clerks

Clerks quotes

52 total quotes (ID: 693)

Dante Hicks
Jay
Other
Randal Graves
Silent Bob


Oh, and Caitlin. Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.


Some guy came into the store refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership.

Bunch of savages in this town.

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

Salsa Shark. We're gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa, our shark.

(To Dante about his constant complaining of the events that transpired during the day) Oh, **** you! **** you, pal! There you go, trying to pass the buck; "I'm the source of all your misery." Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to get back together with his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one?! You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself! (mockingly) "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push ****ing buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly, I might add. I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so ****ing advanced, what are we doing working here?

Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

What's up, baby? What's up, sluts?

Yeah. Silent Bob, you're one rude mother****er, you know that? But, you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [a horn beeps] Ew, you ****ing ****. I hate guys! I love women! [Willam approaches them] Whatchoo want, Grizzly Adams?

I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.

I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

I need some tits and ass! Yo, I'm feeling good tonight Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, you know what we gonna do, we gonna go to that party, get some pussy. I'll **** this bitch, I'll **** this bitch, I'll **** anything that moves!

What the **** you looking at? I'll kick your ****ing ass! [to Silent Bob] Didn't that mother****er owe me like ten bucks? Tonight, we'll rip that ****er's head, take out his ****ing soul. Remind me next time he buys something to shit in the mother****er's bag.

You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.

Female Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
Caitilin Bree: I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.
Coroner: What kind of convenience store do you run here?