Clerks quotes

View Quote [After Dante finds out about Veronica and Snowball]
Dante:...You sucked that guy's d*ck?!
Veronica: .Well, yeah. How do you think I knew--?
Dante: But you said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica: Because I never had sex with him.
Dante: You sucked his d*ck!
Veronica: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante: Oh my God, why did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica: Because I did only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica: Please calm down.
Dante: How many?
Veronica: Dante--
Dante: How many d*cks have you sucked?!
Veronica: Let it go!
Dante: How many?!
Veronica: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you ****ed!
Dante: This is different, this is important! How many?!
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante: ...Well?!
Veronica: Something like 36.
Dante: What?! Something like 36?!
Veronica: Lower your voice.
Dante: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36?! Does that include me?!
Veronica: Ummm, 37.
Dante: I'm 37?!
Veronica: I'm going to class.
[Customer comes up to counter]
Dante: Oh, my God. [To Customer] 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 d*cks!
Customer: In a row?

View Quote Angry man: Now lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill, and open the ****in' store!
Hockey player: Dante, where are ya?
Angry man: He's busy!
Dante: In a second!
Angry man: **** "in a second"! This--oh look at you, you can't even pass!
Dante: Hey, I can pass!
Angry man: How 'bout covering the point? Man, you suck.
Dante: Who are you to make assessments?
Angry man: Hey, I'll assess all I want, pal.
Hockey player: Hey, Dante, you in or out?
Angry man: Don't pass to this guy. He sucks! You suck!
Dante: Oh, like you're any better?
Angry man: Hey, I'll whoop your ass any day, pal!
Dante: Oh, it's easy to for you to say from over here!
Angry man: Gimme your stick, pretty boy. I'll knock your ****in' teeth out and pass all over your ass!
Customer: Hey, you open?
William Black: Yeah, you open?
Dante and Angry man: No!

View Quote A woman makes a guy ****; it's standard. A guy makes a woman ****, it's talent.

View Quote Great, every time I kiss you, I'm gonna taste 36 other guys!

View Quote [to Veronica] Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot! [a guy standing near the door begins to walk off] Hey! Hey, you! Get back here!

View Quote You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.

View Quote I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

View Quote I'm not the type of person who will disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably.

View Quote My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

View Quote 37?! I'm 37?!

View Quote I'm not even supposed to be here today!

View Quote This job would be great if it wasn't for the ****ing customers.

View Quote Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

View Quote Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.

View Quote And I'm caught in the middle, torn between my loyalty to my boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.