Caddyshack

Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes (ID: 110)

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb


Spaulding, this one calls for the old Billy Barule. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie! Don't let me down, Billy! Forty thousand dollars...Billy


In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, in the opposite direction.

Man in a boat overboard. You beast! You savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog! I will teach you the meaning of the word "respect"!

Danny: How about we go swimming?
Maggie: I don't have the swimwear. Besides, I've never swum.
Danny: I'll teach you.
Maggie: Why don't you come on in and help me sort my holy cards first?

Judge Smails: The man is a menace! Cut that off! Music is a violation of our personal privacy! He's breaking the law!
Danny: I've always been fascinated with the law, sir.
Judge Smails: Really? What areas?
Danny: All areas. Personal privacy, noise statutes....I'd planned to go to law school after I graduated, but my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.
Judge Smails: The world needs ditchdiggers, too.
Lacey: Nice try.

Judge Smails: Can I have a word with you? In private.
Ty: Sure thing, Judge.
Judge Smails: Your father and I prepped together, went to war together, played golf together. We built this Club, he and I! Let's face it. Some people simply do not belong. Let's not...cave in too easy. What do you say, Ty?
[Ty and Judge Smails laugh]
Ty: Let's make it $40,000.
Czervik: Great!
Ty: My dad...never liked you.

Danny: Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something?
Ty: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
Danny: Danny. When you were my age, did you ever have trouble deciding what you wanted to do with your life?
Ty: No, I've never had that problem. Why?
Danny: Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
Ty: Do you take drugs?
Danny: Every day.
Ty: Good. So what's the problem?

Judge Smails: Get dressed Spaulding, you're playing golf today.
Spaulding: No I'm not Grandpa, I'm playing tennis.
Judge Smails: No, you're playing golf and you're going to like it.
Spaulding: But what about my asthma?
Judge Smails: I'll give you asthma.


I have to laugh because I've often asked myself my foe, my enemy, is an animal. In order to conquer him I have to think like an animal and whenever possible to look like one. I've got to get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who is the gopher's ally? His friend? The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. I'm going to use you guys to do my dirty work for me.

Judge Smails: You know Ty, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet-Cong...Varmint-Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote.

Lacey: Pretty pathetic, Ty.
Ty: Pathetic? Maybe for you, Lacey. For me, there's a subtle perfection in everything I do. I've got my own standards, my own way.
Lacey: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty: Your uncle molests collies. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.

Note: bolded portion ranked #92 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

Ty: Just be the ball...be the ball...be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny: It's kinda hard when you keep talking like that.
Ty: Ok, sorry. I'm not talking now...I've stopped talking...Not talking. Just be the ball.
[Danny hits the ball into the water hazard]
Danny: Where'd it go?
Ty: Right into the lumberyard.

Sandy [Scottish brougue]: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great git! Gophers, the little brown, furry rodents!
Carl: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
Sandy: Ayye! Well do it, man!
Carl: OK, but why don't we do the same thing, but with gophers?
[Sandy storms off]
Carl: It's not my fault nobody can understand you.