Al Czervik quotes

[To his Chinese friend who is taking pictures] Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? This is a parking lot!

This is my friend Mr. Wang . . . no offense!

I think this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish! OK, fine.

Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... Huh you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat] Oh, looks good on you, though.

Hey Whitey, where's your hat?

Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need to be buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!

Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

Oh, this your wife, huh? Ooh a lovely lady. Hey baby, you're all right. You must've been something before electricity, huh?

Hey loosen up will ya? You're a lotta woman, you know that? Hey you want to make 14 dollars the hard way?

And this is your grandson, huh? Oh, wonderful boy! A nice boy. Alright, he's a good boy. [He looks away] I tell ya. Now I know why tigers eat their young.

Look at that one. The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!

I tell ya, I shoulda stayed home and played with myself.

He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife.

[After dropping anchor on top of Judge Smails' sailboat] Hey! You scratched my anchor!

[After the gopher took his ball] That kangaroo stole my ball!

Ooh, my arm! It's broken!

Moose...Rocco..Help the judge find his checkbook!

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

"[After long extended fart]" What, did someone just step on a duck?

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