Caddyshack

Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes (ID: 110)

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb


[to Ty, about Judge Smails] If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.


Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?

Ty: I like you Betty
Danny: It's Danny, sir
Ty: Danny. Danny. I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. All you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking. Let things happen...and be...the ball.

Ty: Just be the ball...be the ball...be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny: It's kinda hard when you keep talking like that.
Ty: Ok, sorry. I'm not talking now...I've stopped talking...Not talking. Just be the ball.
[Danny hits the ball into the water hazard]
Danny: Where'd it go?
Ty: Right into the lumberyard.

Card Player: Do you have any eights?
Judge Smails: [Walking by the card table] Don't you people have homes?

Judge Smails: Get dressed Spaulding, you're playing golf today.
Spaulding: No I'm not Grandpa, I'm playing tennis.
Judge Smails: No, you're playing golf and you're going to like it.
Spaulding: But what about my asthma?
Judge Smails: I'll give you asthma.

Bishop: I'll tell you, son. My main satisfaction is working with young people like yourself at our new Youtheran Center. Why don't you drop by some time?
Danny: I've often thought of entering the priesthood.
Bishop: Oh, are you, uh, Roman-Catholic?
[Danny Nods]
Bishop: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
Lacey: Go for it.
Motormouth: You know, I've often thought about becoming a golf club.

Ty: What brings you to this nape of the woods...neck of the wape? How come you're here?
Lacey: Daddy wanted to broaden me.
Ty: In this place? Good luck!
Lacey: What do you do for excitement?
Ty: Oh, I...play a lot of golf.
Lacey: Golf? Nixon plays golf. I bet you have a lot of interesting stories about your ball landing in the rough.
Ty: So what do you do?
Lacey: I enjoy...skinny-skiing...going to bullfights on acid. I'll bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty: How do you mean?
Lacey: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
Ty: I've got a good idea. Let's pretend...we're really human beings.

Judge Smails: I'm having a party at the Yacht Club this Sunday. I'm christening my new sloop. What are you doing this Sunday?
Danny: No plans.
Judge Smails: Great! How would you like to mow my lawn? I figured a college-bound fellow could use a few extra dollars. And when you're finished why don't you drop by the Yacht Club? Eh? Huh? [laughs]

I think this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish! OK, fine.

Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... Huh you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat] Oh, looks good on you, though.

Ooh, my arm! It's broken!

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

"[After long extended fart]" What, did someone just step on a duck?

Don't count that one; winter rules.