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Caddyshack

Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb




View Quote Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?
View Quote "Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? S****! Slime! Menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. -- I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about five thousand gallons of water down there to teach you a little bit of a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!
View Quote Man in a boat overboard. You beast! You savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog! I will teach you the meaning of the word "respect"!
View Quote Note: bolded portion ranked #92 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.
View Quote Hello? Anybody home? Hello, Mr. Gopher! It's me, Mr. Squirrel. Just a harmless squirrel. Not a plastic explosive or anything. Nothing to be worried about. I'm just here to make your last hours on earth as peaceful as possible. Don't mind this. This is doctor's orders. You don't mind if I just pop in there for a few laughs? That's right. Or in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre: "Au revoir, gopher." This is going to be sweet.
View Quote In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, in the opposite direction.
View Quote [singing] I was born to love you.
I was born to lick your face.
I was born to rub you,
But you were born to rub me first.
View Quote I feel like a hundred dollars.
View Quote Double turds!
View Quote Lacey Underall: [to Ty] Will you forget the massage and just kiss me, you fool?
View Quote Mrs. Smails: Will you come and loofah my stretch marks?
View Quote Lou Loomis: You, Angie, pick up that blood.
View Quote Danny: Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something?
Ty: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
Danny: Danny. When you were my age, did you ever have trouble deciding what you wanted to do with your life?
Ty: No, I've never had that problem. Why?
Danny: Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
Ty: Do you take drugs?
Danny: Every day.
Ty: Good. So what's the problem?
View Quote Danny: Did you take the Cooter Preference Test when you were a senior in high school?
Ty: Yes, I took it. They said I should be a fire-watcher. What are you supposed to be?
Danny: An underachiever.
View Quote Sandy [Scottish brougue]: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great git! Gophers, the little brown, furry rodents!
Carl: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
Sandy: Ayye! Well do it, man!
Carl: OK, but why don't we do the same thing, but with gophers?
[Sandy storms off]
Carl: It's not my fault nobody can understand you.