Caddyshack

Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes (ID: 110)

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb


Note: bolded portion ranked #92 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.


[to Ty, about Judge Smails] If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

Hello? Anybody home? Hello, Mr. Gopher! It's me, Mr. Squirrel. Just a harmless squirrel. Not a plastic explosive or anything. Nothing to be worried about. I'm just here to make your last hours on earth as peaceful as possible. Don't mind this. This is doctor's orders. You don't mind if I just pop in there for a few laughs? That's right. Or in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre: "Au revoir, gopher." This is going to be sweet.

In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, in the opposite direction.

[singing] I was born to love you.
I was born to lick your face.
I was born to rub you,
But you were born to rub me first.

I feel like a hundred dollars.

Double turds!

Dr. Beeper: We're about to tee off now so call the hospital and move my appointment with Mrs. Bellows back 90 minutes...Just snake a tube down her nose and I'll be there...in four or five hours.

Lacey Underall: [to Ty] Will you forget the massage and just kiss me, you fool?

Mrs. Smails: Will you come and loofah my stretch marks?

Lou Loomis: You, Angie, pick up that blood.

Danny: Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something?
Ty: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
Danny: Danny. When you were my age, did you ever have trouble deciding what you wanted to do with your life?
Ty: No, I've never had that problem. Why?
Danny: Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
Ty: Do you take drugs?
Danny: Every day.
Ty: Good. So what's the problem?

Danny: Did you take the Cooter Preference Test when you were a senior in high school?
Ty: Yes, I took it. They said I should be a fire-watcher. What are you supposed to be?
Danny: An underachiever.

Danny: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty: I'm not quite sure where they are.

Ty: I like you Betty
Danny: It's Danny, sir
Ty: Danny. Danny. I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. All you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking. Let things happen...and be...the ball.