Caddyshack

Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes (ID: 110)

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb


I think this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish! OK, fine.


Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... Huh you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat] Oh, looks good on you, though.

Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need to be buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!

Ooh, my arm! It's broken!

Moose...Rocco..Help the judge find his checkbook!

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

"[After long extended fart]" What, did someone just step on a duck?

Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I want that wax stripped off! I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them now! Chop chop!

Don't count that one; winter rules.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it - felt I owed it to them.

Spaulding, this one calls for the old Billy Barule. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie! Don't let me down, Billy! Forty thousand dollars...Billy

Oh Mrs. Crane, you wore green so you could hide from me. You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between, either, I bet, are ya, huh? How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head?

"Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? Scum! Slime! Menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. -- I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about five thousand gallons of water down there to teach you a little bit of a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!

Man in a boat overboard. You beast! You savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog! I will teach you the meaning of the word "respect"!

What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack...at Augusta. He's at his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 Iron I think. [Swings, pulverizes a flower] Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved crowd is going wild... [pauses] for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5 iron it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... [Swings, pulverizes another flower] That's- Oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8 iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters Champion. [Swings, pulverizes yet another flower] It looks like a mirac- It's in the hole! It's in the hole!