(after worker faints from the heat) Dock that chink a day's pay for nappin' on the job.

Lily: (with Bart in the dark) Is it twue what they say about your people being... gifted? (loud unzipping noise) Oh it's TWUE! It's twue, it's twue!

(when confronted with a toll booth) ... "Le Petomane Through Way"? Now what'll that asshole think of next? Has anybody got a dime? (cowboys grumble) Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!

Mexican Outlaw: Badges? We don't need no stinkin badges!

Hedley: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Hedley: Shit-kicker.

(holding his gun to his head) Nobody moves or the nigger gets it!

Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out...
[People cringe back and a woman screams - he pulls out a letter - people sigh, almost sounding disappointed]
Bart (continuing): By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane--
[People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart]
Bart (continuing): I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rockridge.
Reverend: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! (waving Bible) As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to saaaayyy!
[A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart]
Reverend: Son, you're on your own. (exit Reverend)

Lily: Ooh, a wed wose. How...womantic.

(writing telegram) Send a wire to the main office... tell them you said "ow". Gotcha.

Mongo: Mongo only pawn in game of life.

Lily: Hello handsome. Is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?

Hedley: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto!
Hedley: "Ditto"? "Ditto", you provincial putz?!

An uppity nigger went and hit me on the head with a shovel.

Olson Johnson: All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.

Mongo: Don't know. Got to do with where choo-choo go...