Best in Show

Best in Show quotes

41 total quotes (ID: 657)

Buck Laughlin
Max Berman
Meg Swan
Multiple Characters
Stefan Vanderhoof


Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact. How does the name "Mayflower" get up to the Quaker City?


[trying to coerce his son to get down from jumping off the roof] I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

Fay Berman: [yelling at her husband who is trying to coax their son down from the roof] Don't look him in the eye! It challenges him! He doesn't like that!

Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!

Hamilton Swan: Honey, I'm thinking of switching to the mock turtleneck?
Meg Swan: Is that not breathing?
Hamilton Swan: Well, it's breathing now, but it'll be hot down there. I could go with the lambswool, but then again, you'll see a lot of khaki down there and this merlot looks good with the gray.

Stefan Vanderhoof: [at the butcher] Now, Tyrone would like some of those beef kidneys so we'll have a half pound of those.
Scott Donlan: No, not the kidneys, it's the membranes, I don't wanna have to pull those things off.
Stefan Vanderhoof: [rolls eyes] I'll take care of the membranes.
Scott Donlan: [to the butcher] I mean, Randy, you could pull the membrane off.
Stefan Vanderhoof: Will you stop it? So, we'll have a half pound of the kidneys, a half pound of the salmon.
Scott Donlan: And do me a favor, will you? Just get out of those meat sticks; I just wanna hold it.

When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.

So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.

Gerry Fleck: [On why he can't dance] I can't dance, I can't dance, I've got two left feet!
Cookie Fleck: I thought he was kidding.
Gerry Fleck: But I wasn't. I was born with two left feet.

And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.

Gerry Fleck: [talking about Scott's leather trousers] Do you appreciate the amount of work that went into this?
Scott Donlan: I ought to, I did it myself. I did it, I did it myself. I bored him to death, talked about it non-stop.
Stefan Vanderhoof: Well that is six months, six months working with leather and red thread. How much fun was he to be with?

I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"

Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?

Hotel Manager: We have you down for a queen.
Scott Donlan: What are you suggesting... my dear man?

I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!