Carl quotes from Wimbledon (2004)

Peter

I'm tired of hotels, airports and long distance love affairs that never go anywhere.

Carl

Losing.

Peter

Yeah losing, thanks Carl.

Carl

Now tell her about the tickets

Tickets?

Peter

Oh God, you really are a wanker aren't you?

Carl

Harsh but fair.

Piccy?

Carl

Just a bitty.

Carl

Change of venue girls, your mums or mine?

Peter

Out. [To Lizzie] I am so sorry.

Carl

Might want to change the sheets.

Peter

Excuse me, the ball was good.

40-30

Peter

Oh come on, the ball was good chalk flew up the whole damn stadium saw it. I don't know if you've noticed but this is quite an important point.

That's too close for me to overrule. Please resume play.

Peter

Absolutely not, I'm not playing on this is complete BOLLOCKS!

Carl

ABSOLUTELY BOLLOCKS!

Carl

20 quid to win, Ajay Bhat.
Carl's mate: Hey isn't he playing your brother?

You should be ashamed.

Carl

Yeah but curiously, I'm not.

Carl

Where are the men's games?
Carl's mate: Roddick lost to Jake Hammond in four sets.

Carl

Shit. What about Peter and Prohl?
Carl's mate: Didn't you hear? Pete decimated him mate, straight sets.

Carl

Shit.
Carl's mate: What, you bet against him again?

Carl

That bastard usually comes through for me he's been on such a good losing streak.

Carl

100 quid on Cavendish in the quarters.

Hold your horses. So still betting against your brother then?

Carl

It's tactical. If he loses I get rich, If he wins I get laid.

Where'd you get 100 quid from anyway?

Carl

Photo journalism.

Carl

Now, tell her about the tickets.

Mrs. Colt

Tickets?

Peter

Oh, God, you really are a wanker, aren't you?

Carl

And seeing as this may be my last Wimbledon press conference, I'd like to take the opportunity to announce my retirement – (JAKE enters)

Jake! Jake!

Peter

From tennis. [They don't notice] That's my retirement from tennis!