Peter Colt quotes from Wimbledon (2004)

View Quote Oh my god, shouldn't he be off learning about masturbation or something?

View Quote Ron, I genuinely despise you.

View Quote And may I say good body – luck! Shit.

View Quote Carl, you bastard.

View Quote Lizzie, Lizzie, don't say a word. I was thinking a repeat of the other night, like Fish and Chips, early to bed... Mr Bradbury, hello. Mr Bradbury?

View Quote My parents are still together, which proves that love is not only blind, it's bloody stupid.

View Quote The reality is another story, my story. See that good looking fella? No, not the kid in white – the other tired, good looking fella. Yeah, him. Well, that's me. British Davis Cup, long time ago. Two singles titles, even longer ago. Presently ranked 119th in the world. Sport is cruel. Now, I know it doesn't sound too bad. 4 million tennis players in the world and I'm 119th, but what that really means is this: 118 guys out there are faster, stronger, better and younger.

View Quote [Walking out onto Centre Court] **** a duck.

View Quote [After winning Wimbledon] Can I retire now, Mum?

View Quote Peter: I'm tired of hotels, airports and long distance love affairs that never go anywhere.
Carl: Losing.
Peter: Yeah losing, thanks Carl.
Carl: Now tell her about the tickets
Augusta: Tickets?
Peter: Oh God, you really are a wanker aren't you?
Carl: Harsh but fair.

View Quote Carl: Change of venue girls, your mums or mine?
Peter: Out. [To Lizzie] I am so sorry.
Carl: Might want to change the sheets.

View Quote Peter: Excuse me, the ball was good.
Umpire: 40-30
Peter: Oh come on, the ball was good chalk flew up the whole damn stadium saw it. I don't know if you've noticed but this is quite an important point.
Umpire: That's too close for me to overrule. Please resume play.
Peter: Absolutely not, I'm not playing on this is complete BOLLOCKS!
Carl: ABSOLUTELY BOLLOCKS!

View Quote Woman: Oh look that's Peter Colt the new pro. Once ranked seventeenth in the world
Peter: ELEVENTH!!!!

View Quote Peter: What are you doing here Ron? You're not still my agent.
Ron: What are you talking about?
Peter: What am I talking about? Let me see. I called you about a year ago and I'm still waiting for you to return my call.
Ron: I don't do phone calls I'm into emails now.
Peter: Ron, that is a lie.
Ron: Yeah its a lie but you know what Peter agents are NOT miracle workers. I can't sell a product that doesn't exist but here you are existing again so I'm back selling.
Peter: Ron, I genuinely despise you.

View Quote Peter: Of course I want to win, of course I do. He's just better than me.
Lizzie: No, he's not.
Peter: I'm two sets down my backs killing me...
Lizzie: Play through the pain.
Peter: I'm too tired, my legs feel like lead.
Lizzie: Find a second wind, its what all champions do.
Peter: His serve is unstoppable.
Lizzie: No it's not it's a bundle of tells.
Peter: Sorry?
Lizzie: Jake's serve is like a book, you just need to know how to read it.

View Quote Jake: I warned you about her. By the way how's the weak back?
Peter: It's fine thanks. How's the weak mind?

View Quote Carl: Now, tell her about the tickets.
Mrs. Colt: Tickets?
Peter: Oh, God, you really are a wanker, aren't you?

View Quote Carl: And seeing as this may be my last Wimbledon press conference, I'd like to take the opportunity to announce my retirement – (JAKE enters)
Reporters: Jake! Jake!
Peter: From tennis. [They don't notice] That's my retirement from tennis!

View Quote Lizzie: Why are you running behind me?
Peter: I'm just enjoying the view!

View Quote Lizzie: It's a good thing you didn't get the wrong bedroom.
Peter: Oh, I did, but it turns out your Dad is a very quick shag.

View Quote Peter: There's always another tournament . . .
Lizzie: Another girl?
Peter: That's right, Leslie. [Bends his fingers] Lizzie! Ow, ow!