Who Framed Roger Rabbit quotes

View Quote R.K. Maroon: What are you going to do to me, Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: I'm going to listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario; the story of greed, sex and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to edit out.
R.K. Maroon: You got it all wrong, I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!
Eddie Valiant: Everybody's gotta have a hobby.

View Quote Judge Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.
Judge Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?

View Quote Eddie Valiant: What's that?
Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip."
Judge Doom: I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant. And I'll try him, convict him, and execute him.
[dunks shoe in Dip, dissolving it completely]
Eddie Valiant: Geez!
Greasy: [laughs] That's one dead shoe, eh, boss?
Judge Doom: They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant. This is how we handle things down in Toontown.

View Quote [Eddie is about to pick up the hand buzzer that fell off of Acme's corpse when Judge Doom stops him with his cane]
Judge Doom: Is this man removing evidence from the scene of the crime?
Lt. Santino: Ah, no, Judge Doom. Valiant here was just picking it up for you. Weren't you, Eddie?
Judge Doom: Hand it over.
Eddie Valiant: Sure thing.
[zaps Doom with buzzer]
Eddie Valiant: Their number one seller.
Judge Doom: I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you.
Eddie Valiant: I wasn't working for a toon. I was working for R.K. Maroon.
Judge Doom: Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He said the rabbit became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures. The rabbit swore one way or another he and his wife were going to be happy. Is that true?
Eddie Valiant: Hey, pal. Do I look like a stenographer?
Lt. Santino: Shut your yap, Eddie. The man's a judge.
Judge Doom: That's all right, Lieutenant. From the smell of him, I'd say it was the booze talking.

View Quote Tweety Bird: Oh, look! Piggies. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had...
[Eddie screams as he falls down]
Tweety Bird: Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.
[Eddie is falling; Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, both wearing parachutes, join him]
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumping without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. You could get killed. Heh, heh.
Eddie Valiant: You guys got a spare?
Mickey Mouse: Uh, Bugs does.
Eddie Valiant: Yeah?
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
Eddie Valiant: I do, I do, give it to me.
Mickey Mouse: Gee, better let him have it, Bugs.
Bugs Bunny: Okay, Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare.
Eddie Valiant: Thank you.
[Mickey and Bugs deploy parachutes; Eddie pulls ripcord on parachute, car tire comes out]
Eddie Valiant: OH NO!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
Mickey Mouse: Aw, poor fella.
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, ain't I a stinker?

View Quote Roger Rabbit: What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
Eddie Valiant: You really want to know? I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother.
Roger Rabbit: A toon? No-o!
Eddie Valiant: Yes, a toon. We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown, thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the drop on us, literally. Dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. Broke my arm, Teddy never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing, with those burning red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that.
Roger Rabbit: [sobbing] No wonder you hate me! If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too!

View Quote Jessica Rabbit: Oh, no. Where's Roger?
Eddie Valiant: Roger? He chickened out on me back at the studio.
Jessica Rabbit: No, he didn't. I hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt.
Eddie Valiant: Makes perfect sense.

View Quote (Roger finds Benny locked in the back of the Toon Patrol paddy wagon)
Benny the Cab: Hey, you weasels! Let me outta here, will ya? Come on! I gotta make a living!
Roger Rabbit: Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!

View Quote Smart Ass: Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger Rabbit: What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
Eddie Valiant: What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.

View Quote Eddie Valiant: Do you mean to tell me you could have taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?!
Roger Rabbit: Not at any time. Only when it was funny.

View Quote Judge Doom: Can you guess what this is?
Jessica Rabbit: Oh my God, it's DIP!!!
Judge Doom: That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the earth! A vehicle of my own design. Five thousand gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.

View Quote Judge Doom: Several months ago I had the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city council's. A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it a freeway.
Eddie Valiant: Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Judge Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
Eddie Valiant: So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway? I don't get it.
Judge Doom: Of course not. You lack vision. I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night. Soon, where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see. My God, it'll be beautiful.
Eddie Valiant: Come on! Nobody's going to drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Judge Doom: Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.

View Quote Roger Rabbit: Okay, nobody move! All right, weasel, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it! You heard me, I said drop it!
Jessica Rabbit: Roger, darling!
Roger Rabbit: That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Judge Doom: Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
Roger Rabbit: That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pop you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a "ton of bricks"!
[a ton of bricks falls on Roger]
Jessica Rabbit: Roger! Roger, say something!
Roger Rabbit: Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
Judge Doom: Tie the lovebirds together.

View Quote (calliope begins playing "The Merry Go Round Broke Down")
Eddie: Now Roger is his name/And laughter is his game/Come on you dope, untie his rope/And watch him go insane.
(does slapstick pratfalls to make the weasels laugh)
Jessica Rabbit: He's lost his mind.
Roger Rabbit: I don't think so.
Eddie: This singing's not my line/It's tough to make a rhyme/If I get stuck, I'm out of luck--
Jessica: I'm running out of time!
Eddie: Thanks!
(more pratfalls; weasels start dying of laughter)
Roger Rabbit: Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killing 'em! You're slaying 'em! You're knocking 'em dead!
Eddie: I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the-- *gets hit in head with vase*
Roger: Nose!
Smart Ass: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls!
Eddie: No, but this does!
(kicks Smart Ass in the groin, sending him flying, screaming, into the Dip Mixer, which then dissolves him)

View Quote Eddie Valiant: Holy smoke, he's a Toon!
Judge Doom: Surprised?
Eddie Valiant: Not really. That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon.
Judge Doom: Not just any Toon...
(Judge Doom reinflates himself. His hat is blown away and his fake eyes fall to the floor, revealing his true, red eyes)
Judge Doom: Remember me, Eddie? (high, squeaky voice) When I killed your brother, I talked JUST... LIKE... THIS!!!!!