Jimmie Moore He's losing his mind...and I'm reaping all the benefits.
The Wedding Singer quotes
Page 1 of 2 Jimmie Moore
Old guy in bar
You need a prostitute.
Sammie
They were coooonnnees.
May I ask what happened with Linda?
She wasn't the right one, I guess.
Did you have any idea she wasn't the right one when you were together?
I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and I'd never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didn't and... not that that's a big deal, you know. It's just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid...
Not at all. I think it's the little things that count.
Hey, you're late.
Linda I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it.
Well, if you need some more time, I guess I can wait.
Linda No, I don't need more time, Robbie. I don't ever wanna marry you.
Jeez, you know, that information might have been a little more useful to me yesterday.
Linda I've been talking to my friends the last couple of days...
Uggh...here it comes.
Linda ...and I've been figuring out what's been bothering me. I'm not in love with Robbie 'now'. I'm in love with Robbie '6 years ago'. Robbie the lead singer of Final Warning... when I used to come and watch you in the front row with your spandex pants...your silk shirt unbuttoned...licking the microphone like David Lee Roth...
I still got the spandex. I'll put 'em on right now.
Linda The point is I woke up this morning and realized, I'm about to marry a wedding singer. I am never gonna leave Ridgefield!
Why do you need to leave Ridgefield? We grew up here. All our friends are here. It's the perfect place to raise a family.
Linda OH...YEAH...livin' in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekend doing wedding gigs at a whopping sixty bucks a pop?
Once again...things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
Flight Attendant It's free.
It's what? Holy shit, this is incredible. Actually, I shouldn't drink. I fell in love with this girl who's going to marry an idiot, so I'm on my way to Vegas to stop them.
Female Passenger
[overhears]
That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard! Where are they getting married?
That's the problem, I don't know where, but I'm going to run around and find them. I got to do what I got to do.
Sammy [Sammy catches on to Robbie's babbling about Julia's jacket]
Uh oh.
What?
Sammy You like her.
No, I don't!
Sammy Of course you do. She's a cool chick with a hot ass.
You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck.
[In front of mirror while testing her wedding dress]
Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Glenn Gulia. ... Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Julia Gulia. [remembers something Robbie said; pause] It's nice to meet you. [cries] I'm Mrs. Julia Gulia. [begins to smile as she imagines Robbie being her husband] I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart. Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding.
[singing]
You don't know how much I need you. While you're near me, I don't feel blue and when we kiss I know you need me to. I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true. But it all was bullshit. It was a goddamn joke and when I think of you, Linda,I hope you **** choke. I hope you're glad with what you've done to me. I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy. You left me here, all alone, tears running constantly. Oh would somebody kill me please? Somebody kill me please. I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please! Kill me! I want to die! Put a bullet in my heeeeaaaad!
All right, remember - alcohol equals puke, equals smelly mess, equals nobody likes you.
Cindy and Scott are newlyweds! Whoopee-dee-doo!
Good afternoon, everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to 30,000 feet, and we've got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas. Right now, we're bringing you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers. And since we let our first class passengers do, pretty much whatever they want, here he is...
Guest Homaker:You Are The Worst Wedding Singer In The World Buddy ==Dialogue==Robbie:Sir One More Outburst And I Will Strangle You With My Microphone Wire You Understand Me
Father of the Bride
Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to share your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
Well, I have a microphone and you don't, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!!
Hey, I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything. I just brought her the jacket.
Glenn Kissed who?
Holly Oh me.
Glenn Who hasn't?
David "Dave" Veltri [drunk]
My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing]
Groomsman
[whispering to other Groomsman]
He's drunk as shit.
Dave [laughs then coughs a little]
But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'. Okay, how 'bout that!
Dave I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too!
Mr.Veltri
You're a moron!
The Best Man, everybody.
Dave The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow!
Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good.
Dave Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps]
Thank you.
Jimmie Moore No, thank you!
For what?
Jimmie For quitting... or, should I thank Linda? [nudges him] My business has tripled.
Well, you've just inspired me to hire a DJ. So thank you.
Jimmie Well, good luck trying to find a DJ who can move and shake like THIS. [wriggles back and foth like a snake slithering]
Glenn [Glenn catches on to Robbie's babbling about Julia's jacket]
Uh oh...You like her.
No, I don't!
Rosie: Are you nervous?
I'm actually not that nervous. I've been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it won't be very different.
Rosie I didn't mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?
Uh...
Rosie Well, don't be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had intercourse with eight men.
Now, that's something I didn't wanna know about.
Rosie That was a lot back then; it'd be like 200 today!
Glenn's Buddy
Robbie Hart? Oh man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You must've felt like shit!
No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing it up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?
Glenn's Buddy
No, why would I wanna talk about that?
I don't know.
Mr. Simms [Robbie is at a bank for an interview]
Do you have any experience?
No sir, I have no experience, but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
Kate [ready to leave for a date]
Come on Andy! Move your ass!
Andy Hang on, hun! I'm watching Dallas! I think J.R. might be dead or something - they shot him!
Petey Hey Linda, you're a bitch!
Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. We're looking into it.
Holly How was your bottle of rum last night?
Did I vomit on you?
Holly A little on my shoe, but luckily I was wearing your shoes.
Good.
[Robbie is talking to flight attendant]
I can't drink. You see, I'm in love with this girl. She's gone off to marry some idiot in Las Vegas and I'm going there to stop him.
Female Passenger
[overhears]
That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard! Where are they getting married?
That's the problem, I don't know where. I have to go around every chapel, so you know, you do what you got to do.
Holly [tosses a Rubik's Cube across the room]
No one will ever solve that!
[Billy Idol is blocking Glenn from interfering in Robbie's declaration of love to Julia with a airplane food trolley]
How you doin', sir - chicken or fish?
Glenn You better get out of my way, Billy. You're gonna get hurt!
Oh yeah?
Biker
[A huge biker wearing a Billy Idol T-shirt gets out of his seat and interjects himself between Billy and Glenn]
Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way!
Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.