ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Guest Homaker:You Are The Worst Wedding Singer In The World Buddy ==Dialogue==Robbie:Sir One More Outburst And I Will Strangle You With My Microphone Wire You Understand Me Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to share your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
Robbie: Well, I have a microphone and you don't, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!!
Robbie: Hey, I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything. I just brought her the jacket.
Glenn: Kissed who?
Holly: Oh me.
Glenn: Who hasn't?
David "Dave" Veltri: [drunk] My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing]
Groomsman: [whispering to other Groomsman] He's drunk as shit.
Dave: [laughs then coughs a little] But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'. Okay, how 'bout that!
Robbie: [comes up on stage and grabs mike from Dave] Yeah, terrific.
Dave: I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too!
Mr.Veltri: You're a moron!
Robbie: The Best Man, everybody.
Dave: The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow!
Robbie: Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good.
Dave: Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps]
Robbie: Thank you.
Jimmie Moore: No, thank you!
Robbie: For what?
Jimmie: For quitting... or, should I thank Linda? [nudges him] My business has tripled.
Julia: Well, you've just inspired me to hire a DJ. So thank you.
Jimmie: Well, good luck trying to find a DJ who can move and shake like THIS. [wriggles back and foth like a snake slithering]
[Glenn catches on to Robbie's babbling about Julia's jacket]
Glenn: Uh oh...You like her.
Robbie: No, I don't!
Rosie: Are you nervous?
Robbie: I'm actually not that nervous. I've been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it won't be very different.
Rosie: I didn't mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?
Robbie: Uh...
Rosie: Well, don't be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had intercourse with eight men.
Robbie: Now, that's something I didn't wanna know about.
Rosie: That was a lot back then; it'd be like 200 today!
Glenn's Buddy: Robbie Hart? Oh man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You must've felt like shit!
Robbie: No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing it up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?
Glenn's Buddy: No, why would I wanna talk about that?
Robbie: I don't know.
[Robbie is at a bank for an interview]
Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
Robbie: No sir, I have no experience, but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
Kate: [ready to leave for a date] Come on Andy! Move your ass!
Andy: Hang on, hun! I'm watching Dallas! I think J.R. might be dead or something - they shot him!
Petey: Hey Linda, you're a bitch!
Robbie: Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. We're looking into it.
Holly: How was your bottle of rum last night?
Julia: Did I vomit on you?
Holly: A little on my shoe, but luckily I was wearing your shoes.
Julia: Good.
[Robbie is talking to flight attendant]
Robbie: I can't drink. You see, I'm in love with this girl. She's gone off to marry some idiot in Las Vegas and I'm going there to stop him.
Female Passenger: [overhears] That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard! Where are they getting married?
Robbie: That's the problem, I don't know where. I have to go around every chapel, so you know, you do what you got to do.
Holly: [tosses a Rubik's Cube across the room] No one will ever solve that!
[Billy Idol is blocking Glenn from interfering in Robbie's declaration of love to Julia with a airplane food trolley]
Billy Idol: How you doin', sir - chicken or fish?
Glenn: You better get out of my way, Billy. You're gonna get hurt!
Billy Idol: Oh yeah?
[A huge biker wearing a Billy Idol T-shirt gets out of his seat and interjects himself between Billy and Glenn]
Biker: Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way!
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