Deacon Dry land is not just our destination, it is our destiny!
Played by Dennis Hopper 
Waterworld (1995) · 42 quotes
Waterworld (1995) · 42 quotes
Most-quoted character in Waterworld (1995): in 19 of its 42 quotes
Most scenes with: Nord (3), Enola (2)
Maybe he doesn't answer to Chuck! Call him Charles!
More lines from Deacon
12 quotes Deacon Deacon [To Enola]
Wanna cigarette? You're never too young to start.
Deacon [To Smokers]
Don't just stand there, kill something!
Deacon [To two Atoll captives being interrogated]
If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all having a real lousy day. So here it is, I need to know about that tattooed girl. First one that tells me lives.
Deacon Let's have an intelligent conversation here: I'll talk, and you listen.
Deacon Look, it's the gentleman guppy.
Deacon Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.
Deacon If I ever see him again, I'm going to cut open his head and eat his brain.
Deacon [To Enola]
How 'bout a cigarette? Nothing like a good smoke when you miss your mom... Never too young to start...
Deacon Bring out the kamakazees. [Kamakazees are flying out of water on jet skis and skid on ski jumps to fly over the Floating Cage's walls and take out the inhabitants. One kamakazee is sent in a tugboat to drive into the base of the Floating Cage] Well, that made a hole!
Deacon I've had a vision so great, as it came to me I wept.
Deacon Deacon: He'll see what's left of you in a goddamn jar!
Scenes with Deacon
6 scenes Deacon What you got?
Couple of heartbeats over there. Aren't saying much.
Deacon [To two Atoll captives hanging up on gear spindles]
If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all having a real lousy day. So here it is, I need to know about that tattooed girl. First one that tells me lives.
Atoll captive 1
I saw a girl. I saw...
Atoll captive 2
It was... she had a big tattoo on her.
Deacon [Shoots Atoll captive 1, to Atoll captive 2]
You won. Start over.
Atoll captive 2
I saw a girl. I'm not sure, but I think she got on that boat with three hulls.
Deacon The boat that cost me 1,000 G's of go-juice?
Atoll captive 2
Yeah, the mute-o's boat.
Deacon Mute-o?
Atoll captive 2
Yeah. He got these slits here. Like... [laughs] like fish gills. He wasn't really a man. fluke of evolution.
Deacon Oh, I'm sorry. A fluke of, uh...
Atoll captive 2
Evolution.
Deacon I know! Let's have an intelligent conversation here: I'll talk, and you listen. In the beginning, the provider said, 'Let there be water, and the seas came forth. He created everything that we know. The sun, the air that we breathe. He made, also, both man and fish, and no combination thereof. He does not abide the notion... OF EVOLUTION!
Smokers
Amen!
Atoll captive 2
[Deacon aims gun at Atoll captive 2]
No! No, you said you wouldn't kill me!
Deacon Did I say that?!
Atoll captive 2
Yes, yes, yes! You said... you said it!
Deacon Oh, I may have... I may have! [Gives gun to Nord who then executes the screaming Atoll captive 2] We get to the 'Deez, tank up that sky boat, send it out on patrol. [Pulls down eye patch to reveal empty eye socket] We gotta keep an eye out for that ichthy-freak.
Sir? Your Deaconship? Good day! Or night. Whatever the case may be...
Deacon What is it? I'm a busy man.
I thought you should know. There's exactly nine feet and four inches of THE BLACK STUFF... [the Deacon spits on the Depth Gauge's head] Oh, thank you!
Deacon [After the deck of the Deez clears, one lone figure walks toward the bridge]
Why aren't you rowing? [The Mariner removes his mask]
It is him! You guys are in so much trouble!
Deacon Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy.
You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.
I want the girl.
Deacon You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you. You are a total freaking ****! [Derisively laughs']
I want the girl. That's all.
Deacon Well, what on this screwed-up earth of ours makes you think you're gonna get her? [The Mariner takes a flare from his belt, and holds it over a fume pipe leading down to the Deez's fuel hold]
You know what this is. I drop it, you burn.
Doctor
We all burn...
Deacon Now-now-now, let's not do anything rash here. I mean, are you sure this kid is worth it? I mean, she never does stop talking, she never shuts up!
I noticed.
Deacon So what is it, then? It's the map.
She's my friend.
Deacon Golly gee, a single tear rolls down my cheek. You're gonna die for your friend.
If it comes to that. [Ignites the flare, and holds it over the fume pipe again]
He's bluffing! I'll kill him.
He's not bluffing, he never bluffs.
Deacon SHUT UP! [To the Mariner] I- I- I- I- I don't think you're gonna drop that torch, my friend.
Why not?
Deacon Because you're not crazy. [The Mariner smiles, lifts his hand, and drops the flare down the hole] NO...!
Deacon [After the Doctor has been painting a ball bearing in the Deacon's eye socket to resemble a prosthesis]
Well? How's it look?
Smokers
Not bad, not bad at all...
Doctor
I- I like it better than your real eye.
Smokers
Much better.
Deacon What do you say, Toby? The truth.
Toby
Looks like shit.
Deacon That's why I love children: no guile. [looks at his new eye in a mirror] It DOES look like shit! And it feels like cold shit! [Ball bearing falls out and rolls on floor]
Deacon [While holding Helen and the Mariner at gunpoint]
All right, that's it! If you won't tell us where she is, let's just KILL 'EM ALL! [He fires a gun into the air]
Deacon Ha-ha, so gullible!
So which way we rowin'?
Deacon I don't have a goddamn clue. Don't worry, they'll row for a month before they figure out I'm fakin' it.
