Phineas
Sweet Sebastian Bach, I wanna play!
More lines from Phineas
5 quotes
Phineas
[about Abigail]
Girl has got body karate going on!
Phineas
Can we skip this bullshit cinematic foreplay? I want to fuuuuccckkkk!
Phineas
I don't know what it is, man! I'm scared, I'm freaking out, man! There's something out here!.. (on the phone) Is that Abby? Wassup Mama?
Phineas
I beta-tested for a while. It sucked. It's kinda like eating a beav. It's awesome at first, then it's just goddamn monotonous.
Scenes with Phineas
9 scenes
Phin
Who talks like that to their brother like that anyway?
Somebody with an idiot for a brother.
Phin
Oh my god, you're a terrible person.
Phin
Let's do it.
Phin
(Swink groans)
Put your hands on it.
That's disgusting.
Phin
Touch it.
But I just figured out how to strip one of those zombie concubines naked.
Phin
That is what I'm talking about. How do you do it?
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A.
Phin
(enters the code)
Boobs.
Phineus
"A-hole", Dude?
Profanity is for the feeble-minded.
Phineus
Well, I'm "effing" sorry I offended you... ****-ass. You ready for a good night, bro?
Oh, I can't stay too late, I gotta double back to see a Naughty Network glitch for the theatre pledges, Quite the neurotic level.
Phineus
Well, you can also take the skirt off and join us playing this virgin game, would you?
Virgin?
Phineus
Yes.
Shoot, I-I really shouldn't.
(Phineus points at him, trying to make Swink change his mind)
Okay, I'll figure something out.
Whoever said size doesn't matter never played a third-person shooter. Can I have a 42-incher? You know I like the big ones.
Per usual, that is too much information. Oh, shit! Oh, man.
Phin
(to October)
You're a whore.
Video Game Voice
When fear cripples you, when death's dark shadow surrounds you, drop a rose. It will help you... stay alive.
We should drop one when we meet up with a boss we can't face.
Yeah, the undead can't cross the twig of a wild rose.
Phineus
That is what happens when you read too much goth chick lit.
Phineus
Miller, man, you in those tunnels again? All the doors are locked.
Well, now they're open and I'm exploring, tearin' shit up... ownin' fools.
Ownin' fools?
Phineus
If this genuinely is from Loomis, it must in fact be barely legal.
(trying, about the game)
Okay, we got this from Loomis. It's called Stay Alive. We don't know much about it except we're not supposed to have it.
Evil Video Game Voice
When fear cripples you, when death's dark shadow surrounds you, drop a rose. It will help you stay alive.
Right. It'll give us a chance to escape a ghost, if we can't face it.
Yeah, the undead can't cross the twig of a wild rose.
Phineus
That is what you learn when you read too much goth chicklet. You should lay off the incest, sister. And the game's fun, but it kind of moves along at a snail's pace. [the camera cuts to the gang shooting down hundreds of child zombies] Left. Go left. Go left. Left. On your left. On your left. LEFT! LEFT!! Goddamn it, you noob! Okay, and you eat my nails, and you eat my nails. All right, go round the mausoleum, man. Nice. And eat this. Come on! Sweet Jesus, these dead bitches are coming out in droves! Miller, that's it; the Bathory tomb, right in front of you! Do not close the door, man! Do not close the door! Miller! [Miller does so anyway] No! Oh, my God!
What's-- Where?
Right there. Is something in that wardrobe?
Hutch; [impressed] Oh, nice eye!
Thank you.
Phineus
Congrats, Abs. You popped your cherry.
It's, like, a secret room, or something. [noticing Bathory's painting and diary underneath] Is that a diary?
Yeah. The one from the beginning of the game with the prayer in it.
Miller, are you okay?
Uh, yeah, no, I'm good.
Phineus
Are you in those tunnels again, man? Because there is absolutely no action down there; the doors are locked.
Well, they're open now, you know, I'm explorin', I'm tearin' shit up. Ownin' fools.
"Ownin' fools"?
I'm telling you, my controller is vibratin'.
Dude, you better drop a rose.
[does so but realizes he doesn't have any more]
Now, I'm out of-- I'm out of G-- I'm out of Goddamn roses, man.
At least tell us what you see before you book it out of there.
Some sort of sick torture room or-- God, man. I just s-- I just saw a flash of...dead girls, or-- [Countess Elizabeth Bathory attacks his character] Goddamn it, man! [Bathory stabs Miller's character] Man, she got me.
Who, one of the little girls?
Some-some-some...woman, man. I think it was the dame from the painting. You know, that, that...countess. You know, I-I-I-I didn't even get a chance to fight her, man.
Phineus
Okay, well, where's the torture chamber? 'Cause I want some ass.
I don't know. I mean, I went through a secret entrance, you know.
Uh, you gonna try to get back in the game?
[sighs]
Well-- [a shadow of Elizabeth Bathory walks past] Hey, is somebody out there? [doesn't see anybody]
Don't know. Uh, probably some Goddamn rent-a-cop tryin' to scare the shit out of the livin'. You know what they say. You know, you play the game too long, you know, you start seeing shit, you know, or have seizures. [chuckles nervously]
Games could cause seizures. Now, perceptive of reality, on the other hand, has yielded some very interesting, you know, studies.
Phineus
Yeah, I'm sure you've read them all.
I have. You know, it seems the longer you play, the more your subconscious mind perceives the game world to be a reality. You know, it's really interesting, but it's only a theory, of course. But then, there's, you know, retinal memory, which, you know--
[interrupting; politely]
That is so fascinating, sweetie, but I'm kind of feeling like we should call it a night.
But I just figured out how to strip one of those zombie concubines naked.
Phin
That is what I'm talking about. How do you do it?
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A(, Start).
Phineus
[enters the code]
Boobs.
[she and Hutch laugh in amused shock and disgust]
Come on, you guys. Hutch is right. We'll pick it back up to date.
All right. Miller, you can, uh, rejoin us then.
Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, and I'll, uh, check my schedule on that.
Thanks again for hanging with you guys. I really needed it.
Phineus
[sighs; salutes]
To Loomis.
Hutch, October, Abigail and Swink
[simultaneously]
To Loomis.
To Loomis.