Hoffman quotes from Spider-Man 2 (2004)

You're fired. Parker, hello? You're fired!

Peter Parker

Why?

Dogs catching Frisbees? Pigeons in the park? A couple of geezers playin' chess?

Boss!

Not now.

Peter

Well, I was thinking maybe the Bugle could show another side of New York for a change.

We got 6 minutes to deadline, Jonah! We need page one!

Parker, I don't pay ya to be a sensitive artiste! I pay you because... [notices Brant heading back for his desk] Still not now! [Brant walks back out] I pay you because for some reason that psycho Spider-Man'll pose for you!

Peter

Spider-Man won't let me take any more pictures! You've turned the whole city against him!

A fact I'm very proud of! Now, get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma! [intercom alarm goes off; he presses the intercom button]

Boss, your wife's on the line! She said she lost your checkbook!

Thanks for the good news! [turns off intercom]

Peter

Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.

Aww... Miss Brant?!?

Yes?

Get me a violin!

5 minutes to deadline, Jonah!

All right, run a picture of a rancid chicken. Here's the headline - "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"

Hoffman

Some food got poisoned?

I'm a little nauseous, yah!

Peter

All right, Mr. Jameson. [hands Jameson a photo of Spider-Man]

It stinks. Robbie, there's your Page 1 - "Masked Menace Terrorizes Town!"

I told you he's not a menace!

And I told you...

I'll take care of it.

I'll give you $150.

Peter

$300.

That's outrageous! [hands Peter his check] Done. Give this to the girl.

Hoffman

Hoffman

Yeah?

What are we gonna call this guy?

Hoffman

Uh...um.. Doctor Octopus!

That's crap.

Hoffman

Science Squid?

Crap!

Hoffman

Doctor Strange?

That's pretty good... [Hoffman smiles in acceptance] But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! Doctor Octopus.

Hoffman

I... But... I like it.

Of course you do. Doctor Octopus. New villain in town: Doc Ock.

Hoffman

Genius.

What, are you lookin' for a raise? Get out!

Still no word on the whereabouts of your son's fiancée. Sorry, Jonah.

It's all my fault. I drove Spider-Man away.

Hoffman

He was the only one who could’ve stopped Octavius.

Spider-Man was a hero. I just couldn't see it. [startled] He was a... [looks back at the Spider-Man suit missing] a thief! A criminal! He stole my suit! He's a menace to the entire city! I want that crawling arachnid prosecuted! I want him strung up by his web! I WANT SPIDER-MAN!!!!!